Like a Dream

New Site

2011-01-03T00:00:00.001-06:00

Well everyone. It's a new year with new posts and new blogs. My new site is:

http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com/

Please add it to your Google reader, subscribe or just check for my tweets where I'll tell you when I update with new posts. Glad to start writing again and hopefully you haven't forgotten about me.

It's Been Great....

2010-10-20T15:43:00.003-05:00

Since I've made my blog public and shared my thoughts I've appreciated everyone who has taken their time to read and/or comment. Due to foreseen and unforeseen events and circumstances, for the foreseeable future I will not be posting any new posts. To those who follow me through blogger or have me in their google reader, please keep my link there as I might return one day.

You can catch me on tumblr though: http://thenativeson.tumblr.com/

It's been real.

Fire Sale: Everything Must Go

2010-10-19T15:04:00.001-05:00

There comes a point in all our lives (if you have any sense of feeling) where we become emotionally spent. Life is busy and full of challenges, sometimes it's easy to face them and sometimes they take their toll. These challenges can come from any and all directions but I want to focus on how relationships can drain us and the outcome of this is not always positive.

A lot of times when we are expended we just stop giving a fuck. At least I know that's how I can get sometimes. And that's where the title of my post comes in. If you're asking "What pray tell is a fire sale?", it is:

A fire sale is the sale of goods at extremely discounted prices, typically when the seller faces bankruptcy or impending distress.

Now bear with me for a second while I make the correlation between that definition and relationships. Now lets say "goods" are something you possess that under normal circumstances you would hold under high regard. This could be your emotional attachment or even your penis/vagina. Of course the "seller" would be you and "bankruptcy or impending distress" could be that no good dude who you found out slept with your sister, and cousin at the same time or it could be that chick that got ran through by the starting front court of the basketball team while she was in Miami on spring break. Either way that person caused you this emotional duress can cause you to act irrationally.

Speaking from personal experience (because clearly I don't know how women deal with this issue) it's easy for a man while trying to get over heartbreak to become emotionally unattainable and try to take down as many bodies as he can. Nothing reminds you that you are a man quite like having a new woman in your bed. Some may call it a rebound, but I implore any guy to not go this route. This really only provides temporary relief from the real issue at hand and prolongs the process of healing. Like so many things in life, it's important to let the pain flow through [||], instead of trying to numb it like a shot of novocaine.

There lies controversy over who deals with emotional hardship, men or women? The answer to that doesn't necessarily lie in the gender difference as much as who is left feeling like they were wronged. This person is usually the one feeling pained because they probably didn't desire for whatever happened to happen. It's supposed to hurt when you get your feelings damaged. You really don't have to explain it or justify it to anyone but yourself. Accept that you feel pain. Sit with it and explore it. Feel all your feelings. Grief, and that is what heart break is, is cyclic. This means it will come and it will go.

So how do you get over heartbreak or emotional distress? How do you deal with it? Who do you think has a harder time dealing with it, men or women?

***Sidenote: For my Meharry or Nashville readers, I've been asked to sit on a panel for a relationship forum next week (10/25/10). Come through and support Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, Inc., Miss School of Medicine and SNMA.***

***Sidenote (2): I finally remembered my login information for my tumblr account. If any of you have an account I need people to follow. Hit me up. Here's my url: http://thenativeson.tumblr.com/ ***

Guest Post- Textual Intercourse: Doo-Wops and Hooligans

2010-10-18T09:02:00.002-05:00

I have another guest post over at Euphoric Ears. LaBakir and I engage in a conversation on Bruno Mars' Doo-Wops and Hooligans album. Check it out here.

Guest Post- Just The Way You Are

2010-10-07T09:41:00.003-05:00

Today I have a guest post featured on my birthday twin, Max's blog. Click here to check it out and leave comments.

Birthday Month [recap]

2010-10-03T19:50:00.004-05:00

It's October so that means that the #BirthdayMonth is officially over. It was great while it lasted and I had a ton of fun. I'm grateful for all my friends and family who helped me celebrate my 29th birthday.

My brothers left yesterday and while I was sad to see them leave (since I haven't been home in over a year) I was glad they took their vacation time to come down spend a week with me. Follow them on twitter, here and here. "There is no doubt that around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained." ~Winston Churchill

This past week was epic. Got my 4th tattoo (shout out to #oneofmyfollowers). Had lots of good food. Drinks were flowing. Partying was taken to a new level. There wasn't any shortage of fun.

I love my real friends. Thanks for making it a success.

Pics and videos coming soon: "29 bottles, 29 models"

What Men Really Want

2010-10-01T14:38:00.000-05:00

**NSFW. Explicit language. Use headphones or turn your volume down if necessary**

This is a lighthearted Friday post. It may come off a little (or a lot) misogynist but that's ok. Women, I wouldn't really take any of this to heart. Matter of fact behind the jokes there are some truths to what these two dudes are saying. Well maybe not all the jokes but some of them. Either way I think it's hilarious.

Here's another one too (now this one I really agree with):

They have like 20 videos on youtube. Check them out at your leisure.

It's My Motherphukin Birthday

2010-09-30T13:34:00.000-05:00

Now usually I would write a reflective post about how I'm looking back on how I've grown over the past year and what I can do to better myself in the next year before I turn 30 but that's not gonna happen.

I praise God I was able to see another year.

My fam is here (2 brothers), I have great friends and I'm gonna party like a fucking rock-star this weekend. Now if you happen to run across me today through Sunday my behavior might be a little erratic. This is my pre-apology. lolol

Also, shout-out to my people who are also celebrating this momentous holiday. Max, Ricky (She's looking at my balls Rickaaay [inside joke]) and Aketa.

Game Show Wednesday-Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

2010-09-28T10:58:00.003-05:00

*****Sorry about the missing post last week. You know I had to deal with life and I just didn't get around to writing a post. I'll make it up to you. Post today, tomorrow (national holiday) and Friday.*****

With that out the way, this week's post is Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

This is how the game works if you've been under a rock and never seen the show. A contestant is asked increasingly difficult general knowledge questions by Regis Feldman. Questions are multiple choice: four possible answers are given (labeled A, B, C and D), and the contestant must choose the correct one. There is no time limit to answer a question; a contestant may (and often does) take as long as they need to answer. By the way I hate when the contestant takes a long time. After the first few questions, the host will ask the contestant if that is their "final answer." Upon making the answer the final answer, it cannot be changed. On the first few questions, some choices often have joke answers. The complete sequence of prizes of the show is as follows:

$100
$200
$300
$500
$1,000
$2,000
$4,000
$8,000
$16,000
$32,000
$64,000
$125,000
$250,000
$500,000
$1,000,000

After viewing a question, the contestant can quit with the money he/she has already won rather than attempting an answer. If the contestant answers a question incorrectly, then they lose all the money they have won, except that the $1,000 and $32,000 prizes are guaranteed: if a player gets a question wrong above these levels, then he drops down only to the previous guaranteed prize. The game ends when the contestant answers a question incorrectly, decides not to answer a question, or answers all questions correctly.

I actually like this show because during the first couple of questions I feel like a genius. Like me taking 5th grade arithmetic right now. Then around the $32,000 questions I start to feel less and less intelligent. I always said that if I went on the show I would stop at $32,000. That's all I need right now. I'm a low risk kind of guy. Why leave with anything less than that? But then I know what would happen if I actually made it on the show. I would think to myself: "Self, think of all the things you could do with a million dollars.

Here's what I would do with a million dollars:

Pay 40% to the IRS (eff Uncle Sam)

Buy my mom a house

Put $100,000 into a Roth IRA

Invest in my future business

What would you do if you won a million dollars? Is a million what it used to be in today's economy? How would winning a large sum of money change your life?

Man of the House

2010-09-19T23:17:00.002-05:00

Hey fellas. Yeah you right there. Let me let you in on a little secret. Well it’s not really a secret but some of you have chose to ignore this fact or you’re just plain ignorant to the obvious. Women like men who take the lead. You don’t believe me? Find the nearest [straight] woman and ask her if she would rather follow a man that is worthy of leading or would she rather make all the decisions. I guarantee you at least 9 times out of 10 her answer is going to be the former.

Now social media, entertainers and even credible news sources will have you believe that this is the age of the independent woman. It’s not hard to hear a song that idealizes the idea that women don’t need us to get what they want and get to where they want in life. The number one anthem is the Destiny’s Child track, Independent Woman. It seems like since this song was released the popular ideology is that women could do without men. This may seem daunting because who wants to be with a woman who thinks she doesn’t need you. The problem with this way of thinking is it’s entirely ass backwards. Regardless of what anyone says or feels men were made to lead and women were made to follow. Based on that last statement I guarantee there are some women that are going to read this and think to themselves; “I’m not following anyone, I’m my own woman (or some variation of that).” Well those women are ass backwards too. They’ve been conditioned to think the role of a man is diminished in their lives. I could get into the reasons for this but that would be another blog post (or 6) in itself, so instead let’s discuss why we should be trying to get back our status as head of the household.

Being a leader is not an easy job. It takes a lot of work. People depend on you. Often times you don’t get enough credit (look at how many restaurants are packed on Mother’s Day versus Father’s Day) and when things go array everyone always looks to the person in charge. To lead is to take on great responsibility. Perhaps that is why so many of us shy away from the task. A lot of us want a lot of the benefits (big piece of the chicken) of being the head of the household but little of the work and accountability. A lot of trust has to be conveyed in order for a woman to submit to a man and follow his lead. In the end she has to know that you can handle your business in times of distress just as well as in times of prosperity. If you haven’t proved that you can handle the small things why would she trust you to handle the big things?

I don’t know how many of you are Christians but I am. If you don’t want to hear or read bible verses then you can skip to the next section. I believe that the bible is a blueprint to our lives. You follow it; maybe not a T but you use it as a guide in your everyday life on your spiritual walk with God. With that being said God intended man to lead. In Ephesians 5: 22-23 the word says:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word...

This right here is the truth. Not only does it say that a woman must submit to her husband but the husband in turn should love his wife in the same way that Christ loved the church. Imagine how much Christ loved the church. A lot right? Almost incomprehensible. In order for a man to expect a woman to submit to him he must first submit to God. In this way when a woman submits to her husband, she is indeed submitting to God. If a man does not have God first in his life then how can he honestly expect anyone to follow him? The chain of command is broken and unordered. Growing up I remember every Sunday morning my father was the first one up getting the family ready for Sunday morning service. It didn’t matter if he was only working off of a couple of hours of sleep because he worked nights. We were in church; rain or shine almost every Sunday.

I know what a lot of you are thinking, “What does he know about anything? He’s not even married or engaged.” If that’s what you were thinking then you are absolutely correct. I’ve never been married or anything close to it. Now here’s my rebuttal. Let’s say you wanted to go to medical school. Would you show up to take the MCAT the day of the test with no preparation or would you take prep courses, study the materials and prepare yourself the best way you can so you can get the scores you want the first time around? The latter is my mind frame towards marriage. I look at the relationship my grandparents had and I take things from that. I also look at the relationship my parents had and know what I don’t want in a marriage. I’m working on becoming the best individual possible so that I can be the best leader that I can be. I’m trying to get it right the first time around.

Believe it or not, Fantasia is the inspiration behind this post. Not what’s happening on in her personal life because I could really care less about that. Her music is my inspiration. There is a track on her new album entitled, Man of the House, which really got me thinking. This line was the one that suck out to me the most because I just couldn’t imagine taking a backseat and letting a woman lead me.

“I’m sick and tired of being the boss for us; this ain’t the kind of love it’s supposed to be. You wanna king of the castle, you wanna be captain; you’re gonna have to work a little bit harder for that to happen.”

Game Show Wednesday-Family Feud

2010-09-13T13:29:00.006-05:00

This week I'm going to discuss a show that I loved watching growing up. Actually I still love watching this show. Family Feud was the first computer game that I owned. This was before Window'95, back when I was still running MS-DOS. If you don't remember MS-DOS then you might be too young to be reading my blog. I had a book of command prompts. That shit was more complicated than memorizing HTML command prompts.

Getting back on tangent, I always wanted my family to go on Family Feud. The only problem was I didn't grow up in the type of household that would EVER be invited on that type of show. Sure I grew up in a two parent household with 5 children but I think we would have been more suited competing against each other than we were competing against other families. As a tribute to my family, this post will be dedicated to functioning dysfunctional families.

What is a functional dysfunctional family? Glad you asked.

Functional dysfunctional family- a family which maintains status quo and existing conditions despite conflict, misbehavior and often abuse on the part of individual members of the family leading other members of the family to accommodate such actions.

First let me give you a little background on my family. My parents have 5 children between the two of them. I am the second to oldest child. I have an older sister who is 8 1/2 years my senior. I have two younger brothers (twins) who are 20 months my junior and my youngest brother is 9 years my junior.

One of my favorite sayings growing up was "you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family". I found it a lot better than my dad's favorite saying was to me and my brothers, "blood is thicker than water". I'm a first generation American. Both of my parents were born and raised in Nigeria. We were raised with Nigerian values and cultures. That being said my father believed that since I had 3 brothers that's all the friends that I needed.

Looking back at my childhood I really don't regret anything about it but what are some signs of a functional dysfunctional family.

Family Secrets & Problems

Like most Black and African households keeping family business within the family was always stressed. No matter how bad things got at home it was understood that we were to never talk to anyone outside of the family about our issues. It was looked upon as betrayal. What happens when you keep so many secrets and you can't find anyone to talk to about it? Depression and resentment that's what.

Petty Behaviors by Parents

Parents are humans too. Humans can be petty. A lot of times the adult doesn't always act like an adult. Often times children can take on the role of the adult. My mom and my sister haven't spoken to or seen each other in close to 5 years. You would think as the only two women in my immediate family they would put whatever differences they have/had aside but they are too much alike. Both of them are extremely stubborn and prideful. I learned early on that the concept "Do as I say, not as I do" is a load of sh*t.

Questionable Behavior Outside of Marriage

"My parents have 5 children between the two of them."

I wrote this earlier in this post. The reason is because I'm about 98.6% that I have a another sister that's maybe a couple months older than me. My mom pointed her out to me at PG Plaza when I was about 5 or 6 years old. Children are like sponges. They remember so much more than we give them credit for. At this point in my life I have enough siblings that I'm not that interested in getting to know more. I often times do wonder what it would be like to grow up in a household with a sister around my age.

Growing up in any of the aforementioned enviornments can be emotional destructive if not dealt with. It is especially hard for a child to know if they should love or hate their parents. They still love their parents but they hate the pain their parent's issues have caused them. Some children will develop the attitude that their parent's issues have nothing to do with them so they will love their parents regardless (this is my case). However, that attitude is another symptom of a dysfunctional environment. This does not mean that you won't be able to live a healthy life nor does it mean that you or any family members are dysfunctional. What it does mean is the elements that make up the family unit are dysfunctional.

So the question becomes how can one overcome growing up in functional dysfunctional household?

Game Show Wednesday-Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?

2010-09-07T16:11:00.008-05:00

The next game show that I wanted delve further into is “Are You Smarter Than A 5^th Grader”.

Each game is played by a single contestant (an adult) who earns money incrementally based on a payout ladder by answering simple trivia questions, with the game themed as a school quiz. Each question is associated with a grade level; there are two questions per grade, from first to fifth. The game relies on the premise that an adult would not know the information generally taught in elementary grade school, because it is rarely used in adult life by the type of person chosen to be a contestant. Therefore, the show is essentially a test to see how much an adult has retained since graduating elementary school.

Based on this show I think there are not only facts but life lessons that you acquired in elementary school that a lot of people have lost over their transition into adulthood. Let's examine some of these life lessons.

Sharing is Caring

If you look at a group of elementary school children it's amazing how simple things can go if scissors and crayons are shared. If your friend doesn't have enough glue why not use let them have some of yours? Sharing is indeed caring. Some people either never learned to share or completely forgot the concept as they got older. We have adults who don't know how to share anything. Some people wouldn't share a morsel of their food with a starving toddler from Ethiopia. My parents had 5 children (4 of them boys) so sharing was essential in my house hold. This is something that I still have not forgotten.

Don't take things that aren't yours

This is a kind way of saying "don't steal". Stealing is wrong on so many levels. I remember that one time I was in grade school and I got caught trying to steal a pack of Fruit Stripe gum. I got in so much trouble. Looking back on the situation, it wasn’t even worth it. I should have stolen a pack of Wrigley’s. Fruit Stripe gum loses it’s flavor in like 12 seconds.

A couple month’s ago I was in the mall and I had to use the bathroom. These two Latino teenagers were in the bathroom talking. As I was relieving myself I noticed one teenager putting an earring in his ear. The reason I knew this was because the other teenager complimented him on the size of the cubic zirconium. o_0 Not 15 seconds after the mall cop came in the bathroom and apprehended the teenager with the earring for stealing it from Macy’s. Crime pays until you get caught. Nothing is cool about being walked through a mall in handcuffs over some $15 earrings.

With that said I daydream often about being a caper like the Italian Job, Oceans 11-13 or The Inside Man ~~Takers~~ and knocking over a bank or casino. Now that is cool. Not realistic but cool nonetheless.

Don’t be a bully

I really despise bullies. No matter what age, they just bother me. Perhaps it was because I was bullied in grade school until I picked the biggest one out the bunch and knocked him out. They stopped picking on me after that day, which is what I expected. Bullies are really cowards.

As children it’s hard to decipher if you are being a bully or not. Often, actions start out just being fun, but may at some point actually turn into bullying. I was taught that if you are not sure whether something can be classified bullying, stop and think and ask yourself these questions:

~Are my actions or words hurting someone else's feelings?

~Are my actions or words hurting someone else physically or making that person feel afraid?

~Would I want someone else to do this to me?

~Am I unfairly taking my anger out on someone?

~Am I trying to control someone against his or her will?

Based on these questions I know quite a few bullies that are adults. This is a shame. There are bullies in the workplace, in college, hell there are twitter bullies. I still feel the same way about these types of people. Cowards. All of them. You worry you are inferior in some sort of way so you try to draw attention away from you and place it on you so your shortcomings won’t come to light.

Do you know any selfish people? Thieves? Bullies? Are there anymore life skills/lessons that you think people have forgotten or never learned?

Game Show Wednesday-Change of Heart

2010-08-29T21:57:00.007-05:00

Dish Network Ch. 116. My TV stays there.

Last week I was thinking about something new and refreshing to add to my site and then I came up with the bright idea to start a blog series. Since I love games (ask about me on the spades table or with dice and cee-lo) and I love tv, I thought what better subject than game shows. I know what you're thinking, "Why would I want to read about game shows?". Glad you asked. Life is one big game anyway. Jayceon Taylor. So as I explore some of my favorite game shows past and present, I'll try to tie it in to real life.

First up is a show you may or may not have heard of depending on how much television you watch you might remember this dating show. The show for this week is Change of Heart. I found it mildly entertaining that a couple would agree to go on a date with other singles because they were having trouble in their current relationship. The culmination of the show is when each person in the relationship decides if they want to "stay together" or have a "change of heart". The sad part is even after all the trouble the relationship may be in, after testing the waters and seeing how green the other side of the fence is and having all your dirty laundry aired on television, one person wants to try to work things out and the other person doesn't.

I mean how bad do you have to feel after this:

Believe it or not this happens all the time in relationships. Maybe not on national television but nonetheless it happens often. Boy meets girl. Boy falls for girl. Things turn sour. Someone doesn't want to work at it. Someone does. Feelings are hurt. There are no bad guys in situations like this. There are no winners. There are no losers. Just circumstances, bruised egos and feelings.

When a relationship has run it's course it's not easy to end things. Some relationships last a lifetime and some only a season. No one wants to end a relationship when the sex may be good or everyone but you can see "how good they are for you." The life of a relationship depends on the partners in the relationship. If one wants it and the other doesn't, then it really can't be a relationship right?

I've been in relationships where I've held on knowing that my feelings have changed but I didn't want to seem like the bad guy for ending what seemed like on paper a great thing. I just went along with the flow and hoped that my feelings would change. You know what happens when you do that? Resent. You start to resent the person that you are with. Little fights become heated arguments. You nitpick at things that normally you wouldn't be concerned with. Eventually things come to a head and the situation ends in a less than desired manner.

How do you really come out and say that you really don't want to be with a person anymore? What if it's someone you still have feelings for? How have you ended things with a significant other? Would you go on a show like Change of Heart? Talk to me.

If I Ruled the World

2010-08-23T15:01:00.006-05:00

As I'm sitting in lab waiting for the western blot to finish incubating I thought I'd write a blog post. Then I had a brain fart. I scrolled through my blackberry to find my list of blog topics. I decided I didn't want to write about any of my ideas yet. They are too personal and the timing of the posts would lack couth. Instead I set my iTunes to shuffle and the first song that came on was from one of my favorite rappers: Nasir din Olu Dara Jones aka Nasty Nas aka Nas. The song in particular is 'If I Ruled The World'. This song is just as powerful and inspirational as it was in 1996. Lauryn Hill lays down her voice for the hook that makes the song that much more great. By the way when is Lauryn Hill going to come out with another album? I'm thinking summer of 2011.

Listening to this song go me to thinking. How would things be if I ruled the world? Let's see.

1. There would be no homeless people and poverty would cease to exist. This summer I've seen an exponential increase in homeless people. They stand on the side of the road selling those homeless newspapers and I just feel for them. Last Friday as I was driving home from the YMCA at about 7am I saw a homeless man with dirty locks standing on the corner wearing a silk bathrobe staring directly into the rising sun. I thought to myself what hardships and circumstances allowed him to get to the point where he was. If you think being poor and homeless sucks in America think how bad it must be in third world countries. Yep this would be the first thing I changed if I ruled the world.

2. There would be no cancer, AIDS or disease period. I'm in school for biomedical research and I know how cancer in particular effects lives, particularly people who look like me. I couldn't imagine my own body turning on me and killing me. Cancer doesn't discriminate. From children (leukemia and retinoblastoma) to young adults (breast and testicular cancer) to older people (prostate and colon cancer). Sure if the world were free from disease there would over crowding because people would live longer but I think that would be a problem I would deal with when I got to that bridge.

3. I'd do away with politics. Pol(i)y is used as prefix meaning more than one or many. Ticks are ectoparasites (external parasites) that live by hematophagy on the blood of mammals. Put the two together and you have politics. Many blood disgusting creatures feeding on the life force of other creatures. I seriously can't stand politicians. It's all about hypocrisy (another thing I don't like) and lies.

4. No more war. I support our troops and all but I don't like war. In middle and high school I was a history buff and I could never understand the point of it. The Hundred Years War. Really a war that spanned a hundred years? o_0 Imagine the death toll in that conflict. War of 1812. Britain really wanted to test our gangsta after we mopped them up in the Independence War (with France's help of course). What year was that war fought in again? Vietnam was probably responsible for more heroin users than any other single event. This Iraq debacle? WMD's my ass. Has anyone seen the movie The Green Zone with Matt Damon?

Those are a few things I would change for the good of all if I ruled the world. Now what would I change for my own personal gains or selfish ambitions.

5. OJ da Juiceman, Plies, Rocko and Ace Hood wouldn't be able to make anymore music. I know I listen to Gucci Mane and Yo Gotti tough but this isn't about them nor does this have to make any sense. I don't like those rappers and my ears bleed every time I hear their songs.

6. I'd be able to marry two women at the same time and they'd both be cool with wanting to please me (and each other). The two women: Gabrielle Union and Keri Hilson.

7. The Wire, Lost, Heroes, Seinfeld, What About Brian and Martin would have never gone off the air. I'm a tv junkie. I love good programing. It seems these days all you see is reality tv. How hard is it to make reality tv? VH1 can have 9 shows running concurrently. I miss the days of good writing on shows. I need to set my DVR to record Boardwalk Empire. September 19th. HBO.

8. Jesus sandals, capris, black lipstick, weaves (especially quick weaves) and unkempt eyebrows on women would be outlawed. Why? because I don't like any of these things.

***on the flip side***

9. Women would get tax breaks for rocking heels, pencil skirts, summer dresses, glasses and having tattoos. I love all these things on women (who I deem attractive) so a reward for making the world a better place you get tax credits.

I think that about sums up how the world would change if I were it's ruler. Now I need to work on making this dream a reality. What about you? What would change if you ruled the world?

How many of you heard the remake of "If I Ruled the World '09" featuring Marsha Ambrosious?

8 years and counting

2010-08-18T10:37:00.005-05:00

The Beginning. Crossing night on the steps of

Thirkield Hall, Howard Univ. August 18, 2002

Today marks 8 years since I crossed into the greatest fraternity known to man, Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, Inc. In that time I've made some great friends and some friends that I now consider family. It's no wonder that the motto of my fraternity is "Friendship is Essential to the Soul." When I moved to Nashville in 2004, I knew one person and I didn't have a car. If you know anything about Nashville, you know you need a car. All I needed was to meet one bruh and then I was introduced to more and more bruhs. Since I'm the "good bruhs" it was easy to adapt to my surroundings and be accepted with open arms.

60th chapter anniversary with Russell Stansbury.

Last living charter member.

This day is bittersweet though. I actually wish I was home being as I haven't celebrated an anniversary with my line brothers since our first one. I've spent everyone of them since then here. Those 6 guys I love like my real brothers. Some of them I was close friends with before we were frat brothers and we will always be friends. This weekend is our chapter is celebrating 63 years (May 3, 1947) and I would love to go home and celebrate with them and the rest of my chapter but alas I have to be responsible and stay on this grind in trying to get out of school.

At my ace's wedding reception with my dean.

If you are in the DMV area this weekend and want to have a good time, check out my chapter cookout. Details can be found at http://www.piepsilonques.org/ Also, if you want to donate to our scholarship fund the information is there too. The scholarship is named after Russell Stansbury, who is our last surviving charter member. He crossed in SP'47.

I don't know how many times I've done this since I've crossed.

Our first party with our Dean and ADP.

Happy Anniversary SP'02 πE Kiyama

Roo.

Random Musings

2010-08-17T11:37:00.013-05:00

1. I think I'm ready to blow my school up. They are messing with people's lives. At this point who knows how long my job will be available. If they take this offer off the table, someone is going to have to answer some serious questions. When I defend my thesis, right after my thank you and acknowledgement slide I'm going to have a grievances slide. I'm not holding any punches. Anyone can get it [] from the President to the Dean to fellow students.

2. I went to the Kevin Hart show this past weekend and had a good time. Show was hilarious. I wish there were more things to do in Nashville on a more consistent basis. This city doesn't really cater to young black professionals. Every venue that is halfway decent turns hood within two months of opening which can get daunting. I need to move back to a more cultured city.

3. I'm a television fanatic. Now that Lost and Heroes are off the air and Steve Carrell is leaving The Office I'm not really looking forward to the fall line up of television shows. The only shows (non reality tv) that I look forward to watching now every week are True Blood and Lie to Me. I am interested in watching this new show Boardwalk Empire. It seems like it might be a mix between the Wire and The Goodfellas. September 19th, HBO.

4. I've decided to step back and re-evaluate all the relationships in my life. This includes ALL relationships. It may be time to purge certain individuals from my existence. If you fall into this category don't take it too personal. It's me not you.

5. I think it's hilarious how certain rappers can try to stretch certain words to try to get them to rhyme. For instance there is no way that Pinocchio should rhyme with truth. With that in mind, I'm feeling three songs this week. Here they are:

6. I was on facebook a couple of days ago and it's interesting the things you find out about people's lives without even trying. I'm now privy to the fact that my ex-girlfriend is not pregnant with her second child and is engaged. She looks happy. I'm happy for her. When you find out information like that your mind can only help but to go one of two directions.

7. One of my closest friends told me that I've gone back to being mean-spirited. When I first got to undergrad I was an introvert and I didn't trust or like many people. It wasn't until my later years of college that I became more outgoing and friendly. Now I don't know if I would disagree with my friend. I think I just need to try harder to get back to being more friendly.

***edited to add*** Today is my six's (and my front) birthday. Happy birthday Kennedy. Also tonight at 2:01am EST marks 8 years in the great world of Omega. Yes, we went into our last night on my LB's birthday. Sucked for him.

That's what's been on my mind lately. What have you been thinking about?

Pursuit of Happiness

2010-08-12T14:28:00.007-05:00

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?" ~Pursuit of Happyness

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." ~Frederick Keonig

that is all.

Vagina Is For Lovers

2010-08-08T17:53:00.007-05:00

This post may come off a little misogynist but bare with me for just this one post.

This weekend I had a cookout at my house and invited some friends over because I like my friends and I like to grill. A couple of my friends and I were sitting on the front porch. At this point it was just the fellas on the porch. As some attractive ladies walked up the sidewalk and into the house one of my friends (white t-shirt) said, "Women are God's greatest gift to man." Most of the guys on the porch agreed. Not my friend (we'll call him) Brian. He proceeded to say this:

Now I'm not going to say that I agree with his sentiments but I damn sure thought it was funny. Then I began to wonder. If it was really possible to just have a p*ssy how many guys would take that and leave behind the overall woman. I'm not talking about buying a love tunnel off adamevetoys.com I'm talking about having a bona fide p*ssy for your enjoyment and pleasure whenever you wanted. As a man that I could see how that would be enticing. You don't have go through all the headaches and hassles that sometimes come with dating especially if it's just an means to an end.

Personally even though dating does come with a lot of hassle there are a lot of upsides to a woman besides her lady parts. Even though p*ssy feels good [relative] and even tastes good [relative once again] it really can't keep me warm at night. Well not all of me. It can't hold a conversation with me. It can't rub my back or cook me dinner. I need a whole woman. Not just a part of one.

I mentioned the subject of this post to Reecie and she mentioned that I should include this song in the post. Funny thing I listened to this song like 4 times in a row this past Friday. I love the metaphors used on the track especially J. Cole's verse.

*****Shout out to the bruhs Marquis for editing the video for me.*****

I'm back

2010-08-03T21:50:00.004-05:00

I'm back (no T.I.). Haven't blogged in a minute. I was actually thinking about shutting my blog down. As I've always stated I don't blog about my personal life as too many people know me in real life that read my site. I guess my multiple disclaimers didn't translate too well with some of my readers. On the flip side I don't like being told to write a certain way or what I should and shouldn't write on. The subject matter of which I decide to write on is my choice seeing as how I'm the only writer for this blog and the subject matter is a direct correlation of my view point.

I would like to thank #oneofmyfollowers for encouraging me to not stop writing. I write because I enjoy writing. It's my release. She suggested that I just take a break but don't let other people dictate what I like to do.

With that said, I'm back!

I'll probably start regularly blogging again next week. I have some topics that I really want to write about but I can't remember most of them since I got locked out of my blackberry and lost a lot of information that I had saved on it. I copped one of these the other day:

I'm also thinking about doing some video blogs. Maybe I'll make it into a weekly series. Tunde Confessions or something like that. I have some hilarious friends and I rarely have dull moments so I plan documenting a few things. **If you see me around with a camera, don't fret, I won't post footage of you without your consent [maybe]** Oh yeah and the camera is waterproof so I foresee a lot of poolside foolery going on as well. If you have any ideas about subject matter on which you would like to see me touch, hit me up.

Stay tuned.

Freaky Friday- Come [Cum] Inside Me

2010-07-15T21:09:00.005-05:00

With the amount of rain and thunderstorms that have passed through Nashville this weekend coupled with the fact that I haven't even had a sniffle of yssup since [insert reference to whatever you think a long time is], I felt that I should do a freaky Friday post. The sound of rain beating against my window pane makes me want to beat against that pain till I hear the sound of rain. Alas, I'm not getting any anytime soon ~~until Conclave next weekend~~ so for now I have the sweet voice Minnie Ripperton yodeling sweet nothings in my ear.

Inside My Love has to be one my favorite songs ever. You can take this song to mean different things depending on your mind frame. Being as though I'm a deviant, I see it from that point of view. Here's my take on the song. Minnie sings of two strangers meeting yet they have this connection. Even though the song was released in 1975 during the era of free love, this song clearly speaks on those ideals. Meeting a stranger and having sex and even letting them cum inside you would not go over so well as a song today. Here are some excerpts from the song.

Two people, just meeting
Barely touching each other
Two spirits greeting
Trying to carry it further
You are one and I am another
We should be one inside each other

You can see inside me
Will you come inside me?
Do you wanna ride inside my love?
You can see inside me
Will you come inside me?
Do you wanna ride inside my love?

I find this song very sexy. A few artists have remade this song over the years. One notable person is Trina Brousssard. This track is on the Love Jones soundtrack [shoutout to #oneofmyfollowers for mailing me the DVD ;-)]. Chante Moore also remade the song but no one did it better than Minnie Ripperton.

Profanity

2010-07-11T18:09:00.006-05:00

My name is Tunde and I curse. Like a sailor even.

Do I see this as a problem? Not hardly. In fact I only believe there is one real curse word. *shrug* I'm taking it you can guess what that curse what is. No. Well it's "fuck". See told you I like to curse. Where was I? Oh yeah, those other pseudo curse words don't count in my book.

curse (v)- to use profanely insolent language against.

I mean it's not like I curse uncontrollably. I don't curse in professional environments. I don't curse around my mother. I don't think I've ever cursed in front of my mother. I try not to curse around my father. I guess cursing is a part of my vernacular just like any other slang word is to my regional dialect. For instance, being from the DC Metro area, I say the word "young" a lot. Sometimes subconsciously. When I first moved to Nashville I had a couple of people ask me what "young" meant. I just shrugged them off because honestly it's one of those things that if you don't know then you just don't know. I've noticed when I'm talking to my mentor or any of my professors the word "young" would never leave my lips.

About a month or so ago one of my facebook friends had an update about the Lakers winning the championship. Being the ultimate Laker hater that I am, I responded with "Na Son". After some back and forth I simply replied, "f*#@ kobe". Now at the time I really didn't see anything wrong with what I wrote. I mean I thought I censored myself well enough. It wasn't until she replied "I would like to keep my wall G-rated. Thank you.", did I realize that even though I censored myself that the intention was still there. I guess I could have wrote something like "forget kobe" or something similar but I don't think it would have had the same effect.

Perhaps I should think about how my language affects others. Perhaps I shouldn't.

Do you guys curse regularly? Do you get offended when people curse in your presence? C'mon tell me how the fuck you feel. lolol

Abyss

2010-07-07T16:53:00.007-05:00

This girl was no good for me
she had so many secrets, secrets..yeah
Even though she wasn't my main girl
I was still committed, it was me and you
you said you wouldn't tell
but you saved my voicemails
but I always knew

So now cry 'till you drown your face
and bitch I give a damn how harsh this may seem
I'm here to put your heart in its place
chained up at the bottom of the lake
Now let the waterfall abyss.

The Dream, Abyss

The other day my boo wrote this blog post on her review of The Dream's Love King album. I know quite a few people that aren't fans of the album but I am. I'm actually a fan of his entire catalog. Dude knows how to make hits. Back to the topic at hand, my favorite track off of the album is Abyss. As we were discussing my favorite song she said, "it scares me that that's your favorite song." I think that what she failed to realize is the extent of male psyche when it comes to matters of the heart.

What most don't know is that men can be as emotional as women. The difference is how we display these emotions. In most cases when a woman breaks a man's heart they only know of the phase when men become closed off emotionally and try to get over their pain by hurting as many other women as possible. Before this stage there is definitely the fuck you stage. What's the fuck you stage? The fuck you stage is right before emotional disconnect and right after capriciousness. This stage allows men express their emotions through anger. Anger is just like any other emotion. The only thing is that anger can actually help us to realize that we are masking our feelings of another nature, such as anxiety, hurt or frustration.

I've definitely had feelings that come with the fuck you stage. It's more than hurt. It's anger. A lot of men won't admit that they let a women get to them in such a way. I've been hurt that way once. Will it happen again? I don't know but back to the song. My favorite part of the song is: "So now cry 'till you drown your face and bitch I give a damn how harsh this may seem." I think it might be the extra emphasis on the word bitch. I don't make it a habit of calling women bitches but sometimes the word just fits ( if you are offended then remain offended).

It would be nice if I could get more guys to comment on this post. Question time. Fellas have you ever been to the point where you felt like you were in the fuck you stage? Women have you ever done this to a guy? You can be honest. How did you handle the situation?

The Highlight Reel

2010-06-25T12:35:00.006-05:00

The highlight reel.

I'm not talking about tuning into Sports Center during the last 10 minutes of each hour to catch the top 10 plays of the day or even logging into youtube to watch career highlight plays by Deion Sanders. What I'm speaking about here is the sex highlight reel.

Sex highlight reel- A sexual experience so fantastic that you find yourself replaying the events in your mind months and even years later. This mental rolodex of sexual feats can be summoned for a number of reasons, which I won't get into here.

I've been familiar with the idea of the sex highlight reel for some time now but i never really knew what to call it until I saw Couple's Retreat. This movie details the specifics of the highlight reel. They go further to say that when you are having sex with a person and the experience is less than stellar, you can close your eyes and fall back on the highlight reel. The question put forth is that in a sense cheating?

Based on the 49 people that I've slept with in my life I have a highlight reel but it really isn't that extensive.[1] It would have to be a pretty big ego boost to know that you are in someone's highlight reel. To have that much of a lasting effect on someone has to mean that you are pretty incredible. That being said I'm pretty sure I'm in a couple of top 10 plays on a couple of highlight reels. #onmycockyshit

[1]- I hope you wouldn't think I would actually list my body count. lololol

Perfect Decision

2010-06-20T19:36:00.005-05:00

I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind. ~ Author Unknown

****Before I begin let me make the disclaimer that this has nothing to do with me. Shame that I still have to make disclaimers but it's whatever. Guarantee I'll still get inquires as to whom I'm talking about. ****

Last week I was listening to Vivian Green's sophomore album titled Vivian. The lyrics to the song Perfect Decision has been stuck in my head ever since. The thing I love about Vivian is her strong voice and powerful lyrics. As you can tell by the quoted (below) she sings about things that I'm sure we've all been through.

The skin against my skin
I'm begging to resist
I want to scream for more
I want to run out the door
The skin against my skin
The skin of my best friend
We never even kissed
So how'd we get to this?
He loves me oh so much
But he never shared his touch
As natural as it feels
I don't want it to kill
Something so flawless
That we both cherish
And as bad as I need it
We could ruin something so perfect

This is a dangerous, volatile situation. Falling for someone who is your friend is a dangerous, slippery slope. Going down that path with someone who knows certain things about you, who knows intimate details about you can seem like a good idea.

You become good friends with a person and you hang out with them all the time then gradually you realize that you are falling for them. What do you do? How do you handle these feelings for a friend? Will it ruin the friendship?

First, this is a common situation. Many, many friends become closer and closer and then start thinking about dating. It's only natural. There are hundreds of movies about this situation. These movies sometimes turn out to have fairy tale endings or not so happy endings. It's the ideal way to start a relationship, because all relationships should be based on trust, honesty and communication. These are traits that friends have built in. An ideal relationship is between best friends who love each other. Key word being ideal.

The one question that has to be asked, is what happens when the relationship doesn't pan out? What happens to the friendship that was so valued? These are questions that Vivian also asked herself.

What if we want more from each other?
What if we become only part-time lovers?
What if our drama-free friendship suffers?
What if everything we've built get lost under the covers?
Will I think it's the same the way you scream out my name
Thought it would ever come to this
Who'd thought I'd like your touch, your kiss
I don't wanna miss this opportunity, maybe we're suppose to be
Stop askin questions, and guessing and keep it going

Have you ever taken a friendship to the next level? How did it work out for you? Do you think it's a good idea to risk a friendship for moments of passion or even a relationship?

My love of pr0n

2010-06-15T20:17:00.008-05:00

I remember it was like was yesterday. I found my father's pr0n stash. He kept it in his file cabinet where he also kept his bills and other important documents. I forget exactly what I was looking for but what I found was the equivalent to the Holy Grail (or at least I thought so). Since that day I've had a love and hate affair with pr0nography. For the most part it's been love though.

Pr0nography for whatever reason is still taboo. It seems like it's one of those things that people partake in but never really talk about. Kind of like masturbation. No one really does it but everyone really does it. Well I for one have no quarrels discussing the fact that I do in fact watch pr0nography. After recently having a discussion on the subject I realized how much of a connoisseur I am.

Off hand I know about 10 free websites where I can watch adult films till my heart is content. I'm not really into DVDs anymore. Who really pays $29.99 for a West Coast Production film when you can get the same scene for free over at pornhub.com? That's just not economically responsible and while our nation is still in the shadow of a recession far be for me to financially irresponsible.

The great thing about internet porn is that you can browse for whatever category tickles your fancy. From amateur to orgies to milfs to creampies. Basically anything that you want to see and it's there for your viewing pleasure.

Pr0nography has even made it's way onto twitter with such "actresses" such as @LaceyDuvalleXXX, @cherokeedassxxx and @therealpinkyxxx. You have actors such as Lexington Steele who talk entirely too much during his scenes. I do have to admit that it is kind of hilarious. On the flip side you have actresses like Pinky who used to be the "in" girl until she started packing on the pounds.

Do you watch pr0nography? Why do you think it's still taboo among a lot of people? What's your favorite genre? Who's your favorite "actor/actress"?

This is Why I Write

2010-06-14T16:02:00.004-05:00

After my last blog post I noticed 2 things.

1. After having a conversation with a woman, she told me that she enjoyed reading the post but some people might have read it and thought to themselves, "Here he goes again." Apparently the typical male doesn't think or behave like I do. I don't know if that statement holds any validity but I write about a myriad of subjects here. It may seem that most of my posts concerning relationships seem like they cater towards women but I write according to my viewpoint and no one else's. I don't do it to get kudos from anyone. I don't do it for compliments either.

2. I have 113 followers of this blog. Maybe twice as many actually read. I'd be willing to bet that 75% or more of the readers of this blog are women. This was very apparent in the comments section of the last post. All the comments were made by women. This one in particular stood out to me:

...So after perusing your blog, it's not hard to see that you appreciate a lot of issues that women struggle to get their men to see, such as the battle for intimacy and the desire for what's within to be held on a higher pedestal than our exterior...

While I do appreciate the struggle that women go through once again I don't want my posts to be misconstrued as me attempting to receive praise or acclaim. What I write about is how I feel. I write from my perspective and standpoint.

Brains over Beauty

2010-06-09T21:05:00.005-05:00

"Intelligence is such a turn on. Its such a good look. Better than say a phat ass."

This quote is by a wise young man who is wise beyond his years. Yes that young man is me. I know what you're thinking. How can I, as a young black man, dismiss what so many of my peers revere? If you were to poll 10 20-30 year old black man and asked them what is the first thing they notice about a woman, you would probably get at least 6 different answers. I would be willing to bet my subscription to Reader's Digest that all the answers would be about something physical. There is nothing wrong with that. When you first meet a person all you know about them is what you see. You can't see if someone has a sense of humor or if they are ambitious. In today's society physical attributes are held in such high regard that other traits are often overlooked.

Now I'm in no way saying that I don't appreciate a phat ass or some nice titties as much as the next man, but I've come to realize that a nice ass or some perky breasts come a dime a dozen. I've just come to realize that things that truly matter in the long run won't fade with time. Yeah she got double D's on her chest like Dare Devil but how are those chest pillows gonna look when she hits say 50? All I'm saying is that beauty fades. At this point in my life I'm still very concerned with beauty but in addition to that I'm looking for what doesn't vanish or wane. I want the total package. Beauty means nothing without brains. Brains definitely mean nothing with beauty.

In the grand scheme of things how are thick thighs going help your children with math homework when her intelligence quotient equals that of a dish rag? I think men and women tend to value things that shouldn't be as important as they are. I've been guilty of this myself. We live in a world where image is everything. Our culture is highly saturated with media images and verbal rhetoric concerning beauty and less talk about what makes the brain tick. The message of our culture is simple, and to many people, image reigns over all else. You be the judge- good looks or high I.Q.

"Baby girl what does it matter where your purse from, your hair done, your nails did, your ass phat but your dumb?" ~Lupe Fiaso (I'm Beaming)

Sleep Patterns

2010-06-03T14:16:00.007-05:00

Besides from the randomness that floats around in my brain, the focus of my blog when I first made it public was to write about my dreams and interpret them. I have very interesting and vivid dreams. I've actually gotten away from that lately even though I still have random dreams. I honestly don't think most of the dreams I've been having lately are appropriate for public consumption anyway.

One thing I realized I never talked about here is sleep patterns. Have you ever paid any attention to the picture at the head of this blog? The guy sleeping in the desert using a rock for a pillow? Well I picked that picture because that's usually how I look while I'm sleeping.

I have to be the most restless, random sleeper in the history of sleep. Most times I fall asleep on my side. It's almost impossible for me to fall asleep on my back. It's usually hard for me to fall asleep if there is complete silence. I need the tv or radio to be on.

I hate pillows. They are cool when I'm laying in bed watching tv but I hate propping my head up on a pillow while sleeping. If I do sleep with a pillow my head is usually UNDER the pillow. I don't know how I haven't suffocated myself in my sleep yet. The times when I do sleep with a pillow I wake in the morning with a crick in my neck. Not the best way to wake up.

What I don't understand is how any woman shares a bed with me. As much as I abhor pillows while sleeping, whenever I'm in bed with a woman my head somehow manages to find its way to her pillow. Most people's body temperature drops while they are sleep but not mine. I've been told that I'm very hot natured. Couple that with that fact that I move around in my sleep and I'm not surprised that I haven't been punched in the back of head while I've been sleep.

Oh yeah and when I'm extremely tired I might drool in my sleep. TMI that's ok too.

Death of Intimacy

2010-05-25T14:58:00.007-05:00

This is how I would define intimacy. The feeling or atmosphere of closeness and openness towards someone else, not necessarily involving sexuality. This last part is essential to my definition of intimacy. Before I got any further I want to thank my friends, Kyzzie and Maya for the blog idea. They read but hardly ever comment. o_0

If you were to take a poll of 100 people asking them what intimacy means to them I would bet the shoe string in my left sneaker that at least 80 people would say that it involved a sexual relationship or sexual relations between a man and woman.

If you've read this blog before then you know how much I like sex. I don't try to hide that fact. I like sex just as much as I like music, food or basketball. That means I like it a lot. I also know the importance of sex in a relationship and to me bad sex can be a deal breaker. With that being said I think that there is too much emphasis placed on sex. So much so that the art of intimacy is dying off. Yes I (a man) just said that in our over-sexed society the establishment of friendship and having mutual interests or affections is lost. Let that sink in for a moment.

Yesterday on twitter I asked this question:

Fellas, would you ever consider being in a relationship with a woman you never had sex with?

The reason I asked males for their answers is because the general perception is that men are the ones who have issues with intimacy and are sex-crazed. By the way if you believe that this is only a male-driven issue then I have a some beach front property in Kansas to sell you. The responses I got ranged from hell no to perhaps if I was back in the 11th grade. Then I got this response from one of my female followers:

Would you?

I really had to think about that one for a while but I think I would. It would have to be the right circumstances and with the right person. Also the fact that sex would eventually be introduced into the relationship would have to be understood because let's face it, I'm not going to marry someone who I've never slept with.

Honestly speaking I don't think I've entered into a relationship with a woman that I slept with before actually getting to be her friend first and getting to know her on a more "intimate" level. So women here's some advice. Next time you're contemplating sleeping with that guy you like think about if he would stick around if you DIDN'T give him some. If not then I doubt you're on an "intimate" level.

What does intimacy mean to you? Would you ever be in a relationship that didn't involved sexual intercourse? Would you marry someone without sampling the goods first?

Revolutions Per Minute

2010-05-20T10:44:00.004-05:00

"If skills sold, truth be told, I'd lyrically be Talib Kweli..." ~Jay-Z Moment of Clarity

I told y'all after I posted that Gucci Mane blog post that I would have to redeem myself and do a post on some real music. Well for the past 3 days I've been listening to Reflection Eternal's Revolutions Per Minute (RPM) album non stop. I've always been the type of hip hop fan who listens to lyrics above all else. All that other stuff in my opinion is just filler. This is why I really believe true lyricism is dying off but that's another blog post. Talib Kweli has been a consistent, under rated force in the hip hop game. If you don't respect his skills on the mic then you really don't know music.

I first got interested in the RPM project after hearing the track Just Begun which features J. Cole, Mos Def and Jay Electronica. Anyone who really knows me knows that I'm a huge fan of J. Cole so I was immediately interested. The song did not disappoint. A track featured two heavyweight lyricists and two up and coming artists with no hook. Just straight spitting. I love this track.

After hearing that track I was interested in what the rest of the album might bring. The album presents dope thoughtful lyrics laced upon mellow beats. It covers a broad, diverse range of topics. One track speaks on the evils of the oil trade and how it is destroying the world (my favorite track) to how the hip hop game is dead to a track uplifting women (instead of degrading them). Overall I give the album an A and so far I think it's the best rap/hip-hop album of year. In my opinion, this year so far has only brought disappointment as far as hip hop is concerned. I honestly think this album will be better than Kanye West: Good Ass Job, T.I.: King Uncaged, Eminem: Recovery, and most definitely Drake: Thank Me Later. The only album I hope that this doesn't outshine is Lupe Fiasco: Lasers.

This is my favorite song right here:

And I couldn't leave without letting y'all know some of my favorite lines:

"I build defenses, when I'm left to my devices, time getting suspended more than DMX driver's license, my music is steady not affected by the higher prices, people having sex in the streets like Dionysus." ~ City Playground

"Nigeria is celebrating 50 years of independence, they still feeling the colonial effects of Great Britain's presence." ~Ballad of the Black Gold

"This is a recession, what recession? Dog we been stressing, shit been a mess and we been dealing with this depression since way back. You ain't gotta say that. That's the greatest lesson, slave to our possessions, greed the devil favorite weapon." ~In This World

"Now they on my dick, I should throw a condom on cuz a nigga coming raw like I ain't got one on." (J. Cole) ~Just Begun

Why Not Me?

2010-05-18T16:53:00.005-05:00

Once in awhile,
Right in the middle of an ordinary life,
Love gives us a fairy tale.
~ by Anonymous ~

Yesterday while chatting with two of my friends from school (both women) they started talking about their feelings towards the movie Just Wright which stars Common and Queen Latifah. I haven't watched the movie but you can read this review. Also from what I gather from the movie it has a cookie cutter story line but it's still "cute" and the ending is predictable.

Correct me if I'm wrong in the comments section but it goes something like this: Common is on top of the world as a basketball player and his girl (Paula Patton) is his arm candy/fiancée until he gets hurt. Patton who sees her meal ticket running dry dumps him. Queen Latifah gives him the confidence to come back from his injury to play again. Once back in the league Common is back on top of the world and Patton comes back telling him she made a mistake by leaving him. Common takes her back and leaves Queen Latifah high and dry although they have feeling for each other. Common has a sort of epiphany where he realizes the one he truly wants and needs is Queen Latifah, then he makes some sort of grand gesture to show his love for her.

The same type of grand romantic gesture that is littered across black romantic comedies. Hell in most romantic movies period.

This is where my friends asked me why guys why situations like this don't happen in real life. Why don't women ever get that fairy tale ending? The example they cited was in Love and Basketball when Sanaa Lathan played Omar Epps one-on-one for his heart and he beat her. He then asked her to play again, "Double or Nothing." If you don't remember the scene, here is a cilp:

Remember that quote I put at the beginning of this post? If you don't scroll back up (don't worry I'll wait). Now shit like that doesn't happen in real life. For a gesture that grand to made there would have to lots of drama and turmoil surrounding a relationship in the first place. I bet all the women's hearts in the theater skipped a beat during that last scene but they probably failed to realize how much turbulence their relationship endured before it came to the climatic moment. Before women ask themselves why they never experience moments like this they should ask themselves would they be willing to deal with the farce it takes to get to that point.

Let me give you an example of the conversation that would occur if something that happened in Love and Basketball happened in real life:

-Melissa: "Hey girl let me tell you what happened last night with me and Dontrell."

-Bonquisha: "I thought y'all broke up?!"

-Melissa: "Yeah we did. But despite all that happened between us I know we still love each other, so we got some drinks and went to the pool hall. Do you know what this corny n*99a asked me?"

-Bonquisha: "Ohhhh what he say girl?"

-Melissa: "He gonna talk about, "Can I play you for your heart?"

-(as they both bust out laughing) Bonquisha: "Girl that n*99a is wack, you should just go ahead with James. He's not on all that romantical stuff."

Ok, this situation is a little exaggerated but I seriously doubt grand gestures of romanticism go over so well in real life. Trust me I know from personal experience. I would think that women would want a relationship with less drama and a man who wouldn't have to make grand gestures every once in a while because he showed her how much he loved her everyday. I could be wrong though. How about y'all? Ladies do you want sweeping displays of romanticism from your man? Fellas, are you into fairy tale endings?

She's Not That Into You

2010-05-16T20:40:00.005-05:00

When I first got into the dating game I had a problem. I liked girls but I never seemed to know when/if they liked me back. If I liked a girl I would take gestures of kindness as tokens of affection only to discover that they were just being friendly. Sometimes the signs of disinterest are blatant and sometimes they can be vague. Here are some signs that you can look for if you're interested in a woman you're not sure if she likes you.

~She uses words like homie, buddy, etc. when referring to you. If a woman uses such words when speaking to me, that automatically let's me know her level of attraction towards me.

~She never lets you do her any favors – or she repays them immediately. This is a sign she knows you’re into her, and she doesn't want to feel indebted or obligated to you. Why? Because that could make her feel like she owes you something.

~She doesn't ask questions about you or your life. Anything she knows, you've had to offer the information. Sharing what is happening in your life, your interests begins to feel futile in your attempts.

~She talks about other men. Unless it’s Idris Elba, or someone equally famous and unattainable, her talk about other men should cause you some concern. She's clearly on the lookout for someone besides you, and this is a not-so-subtle way of letting you know that.

~She always brings her friends. Similarly , if you can’t get her to come out for some one-on-one time, there’s probably something wrong. There’s very little room for romantic "maneuvering" when she has her friends with her, which is why this is one of the signs she’s not interested in you.

~Her body language is stiff, not open to you. When a woman is interested, her body language is warm and welcoming. She stands in close proximity to you, wanting to be near.

If the woman of your desire displays any of these behaviors towards you then it's probably safe to bet she's probably not that into you. Have you ever been into a chick that you were sure was into you only to find out she only sees you as her "pal"?

Burrr

2010-05-12T15:36:00.004-05:00

This mixtape is slept on.

We all have our guilty pleasures. Something that you like and you quite can't put your finger on. It might be bananas and peanut butter sandwiches or Glee (#shots). Seeing as I think I listen to great music and quality artists a lot of people can't understand why I'm a fan of Gucci Mane. I'm always declaring my dislike for artists such as Plies and Ace Hood. Super ignorant lyrics and rappers bother me but for some reason I see Gucci Mane as a comedian who tells jokes to beats. I honestly believe Plies knows better and he just plays on the ignorance of his listeners in order to sell records. He probably doesn't believe most of what he raps about. La Fluer on the other hand cannot fake the type of ignorance he personifies.

Gucci was released from his latest stint today after serving six months for violating his probation. The Atlanta rapper scheduled a press conference early this morning to announce plans for a nationwide tour this July to promote his forthcoming album "The Appeal." In honor of this holiday I've been listening to my Gucci/10-17/So Icey playlist since about 11:30 this morning. Hopefully dude can stay out of jail at least long enough to finish out his tour.

Gresham Road. Bouldercrest. Candler Rd. Zone 6. lol

Oh yeah this post was so facetious and I hope you saw the humor it in. To bring balance to the universe I think I'll do a Common or Reflection Eternal post next week.

With that I leave you with some of my favorite tracks Gucci (with key Gucci quotable) is featured on:

Bricks- "95 Air Max cuz I'm a dope runner, ballin like an athlete but got no jumper. It's Bricks!"

Heavy- "yeah I got amigos but they don't bring me tacos, they only bring me kilos but keep that on the d-low."

Beat it Up- "Money never limited, So Icey with benefits my driveway need a passport, all my cars are immigrant."

Superhero- "I cut more girls than Wolverine, I put 6's on my batmobile, Spiderman diamond chain, red, blue same color my rims."

Lemonade- "Canary yellow lemon watch, big bird yellow top, yellow polo, polo, slippers white and yellow polo socks."

Kush Is My Cologne- "I'm inhaling, exhaling it, it makes me more intelligent, I feel like I'm still mailing it, I'm selling it, they smelling it."

Stupid- "Heavy on the licorice, this industry ridiculous, got juice magnificent, I'm not very articulate. "

Do you like ignorant music every now and then or maybe everyday? Am I poisoning my mind by listening to these lyrics? Who is your favorite ignorant rapper?

Twitter Groupies

2010-05-10T19:17:00.007-05:00

I spend a lot of time on twitter. I follow maybe 280 people. Some are celebrities but a lot I know in reality. Out of the celebrities that I follow, I do tweet to some when they ask a question or if they say something interesting. If I find that a celebrity doesn't have anything interesting to say, then I'm quick to un-follow. I mostly tweet about music so of the rappers/singers that I do mention I usually use their twitter handle. (looking through my list) Here is a list of celebrities that I follow:

Talib Kweli
Janelle Monae
Dondria
Vivian Green
James Harden
Jeff Green
Rudy Gay
Lupe Fiasco
Naledge (Kidz in the Hall)
Chad Ochocinco
J Cole
Dwight Howard
Fabolous
Chuck Inglish (The Cool Kids)
Kevin Durant
Phonte
Wale
Marsha Ambrosius
Ludacris
Keri Hilson

With that said there are numerous celebrities that I used to follow and for one reason or another (probably because they're a lot dumber than I thought they were) I stopped following them:

Puffy
Reagan Gomez
Tia Mowry
Trey Songz
Pusha T
Malice

What really grinds my gears when it comes to some of my followers and celebrities is when they transcend the line between fan and twitter groupie. What defines a twitter groupie you ask? This isn't exactly a science but in fact just my opinion.

-If you tweet to a celebrity more than 6 times a day or 42 times a week (and they never tweet you back), then you might be a twitter groupie.

-If more than 40% of your follow list consists of celebrities you might be a twitter groupie.

-If you genuinely get upset or jealous when you see someone else tweets to your favorite celebrity then you might be a twitter groupie.

-If you send pictures of yourself in compromising positions to celebrities then you might be a twitter groupie.

The hypocrisy that occurs when it comes to groupies is hilarious to me. Especially on Sundays. During "Basketball Wives", it's interesting to see the amount of shade that gets thrown the way of the women on the show for ~~being groupies~~ having relations with NBA players. Some of these same women who bash the "Basketball Wives" will turn around and e-throw their panties at Trey Songz or tell Keri Hilson that they want to Slow Dance with her (yes Twitter groupies can be men as well).

Its actually sad and pathetic when you see a person tweet to a certain celebrity time and time again, day after day in the hopes that they might recognize them and tweet back. Some celebrities have upwards of hundreds of thousands of followers. I have about 450 and even I miss @ replies sometimes. I can imagine how many someone like Fabolous gets every couple of minutes.

I wrote all this to say that a twitter groupie can be just as bad as regular groupie. Maybe worse because if anyone on your timeline follows the same celebrity they can see your shenanigans. If you are offended by this post then you're probably a twitter groupie and take from that what you will.

What Chili Wants

2010-05-02T21:43:00.007-05:00

This weekend Nashville experienced record-breaking rain, flooding and deaths. Needless to say I've been stuck in the house for the latter part of the last 36 hours. Because of this I got a chance to completely catch up on my DVR and other shows that came on television. I just finished watching this show, What Chili Wants. Thanks to twitter I've heard various things about this show but I never got a chance to watch it myself. This was completely by choice because I definitely watch the Brandy & Ray-J show (which comes on right after).

Apparently like every other C-list celebrity that's looking for love, VH-1 decided to give her a shot. My immediate thoughts are that Chili is kind of self-righteous and definitely too picky. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with having standards but Tionna (the girl setting her up on dates) picked out a variety of men. Based on the tweets from a lot of the women in my timeline some of these guys seemed like winners and they would love to go on dates with most of them.

In my opinion, Chili's problem is that she has a long check list in her mind of what she wants in a man. Check lists aren't the problem as long as the items on the list are realistic. Nothing is wrong with wanting a partner who is generous, nice, intelligent, ambitious, good with children, etc. When your list starts comprising items such as: can't eat pork, has to be this tall, can't drink at all, etc. you will start to alienate yourself.

My first solution to Chili's issues is that she is LOOKING for a man. Whatever happened to letting a man find you? Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." It says nothing about she who finds a husband. Chili really has the game twisted. Maybe her messing around with Usher has her outlook and perception on dating all messed up (yep #shots).

Second, Chili acts real self-righteous. I'm not saying that she doesn't have the right to be but lets face it. She has stated on her show that she really wants to have another child. Let's run down her statistics. According to Wikipedia, she is 39 years old and a single mother. Personally I just wouldn't be excited about going into a situation with a woman knowing that it would be a ready-made family type thing. At damn near 40, based on child bearing years, she's pretty ancient. She also has a lot of baggage as far as previous relationships in the public eye (Dallas Austin, Usher, Floyd Mayweather and T.J. Holmes). That being said Chili has many flaws just like the men she dates so for her not to even give most of them a chance seems a little sanctimonious.

What Chili Wants is a microcosm of what occurs in society today. I see it on twitter a lot as well with trending topics such as #ICouldNeverDate. Everyone wants to say what they won't put up with and what is wrong with the dating pool that they are exposed to. My advice is to look within yourself first because I guarantee most times the things that you say you won't tolerate, you probably exude. That's just my advice. Rozonda Thomas (or whoever this fits), take it how you will.

***added video***

Sexual Chemistry

2010-04-29T22:16:00.007-05:00

"I wonder which one is the best fit."

I'm just going to dive right into it. Not everyone has good sex. Not saying that they suck (no pun intended) overall, they just have bad chemistry with certain people. The crazy thing is that while you might have spectacular, sweat it out, orgasm-inducing sessions with one person the experience might differ when you're with the next person. Watching paint dry could be more exciting.

Sexual chemistry is a complex dynamic. What looks good on paper may not always translate into the bedroom. The physical aspects of sexual compatibility are the easiest to define. It encompasses such things as a couple's mutual like or dislike of various positions, sexual variety (oral, vaginal, anal, etc.), timing and sexual longevity. Other physical aspects involve the various tangibleness of our bodies, such as penis size, vaginal tightness, overall height, weight, breast size, butt size, quality of personal hygiene, etc.

I'm going to give you some insight into how my mind works. When I first become interested in a woman I usually try to gauge how well she is in bed. This gauge has nothing to do with her body type, how full her lips are or whatever freaky shit I can imagine her doing. Some women I just imagine or fantasize as being thrilling in bed and it has no rhyme or reason behind it. My 6th sense isn't always on point because I've been wrong on many occasions. On the flip side I've imagined that a woman might be a lazy or boring lay and was pleasantly surprised when I was left breathless.

Have you ever experienced a sexual encounter where the sexual chemistry was so good that you had to wonder if they could read your mind? What about sex so bad that you actually felt sorry for the other person involved? What physical aspect do you use to determine if someone might be good in bed? And what's up with me writing/tweeting about sex so much lately? lol

I'm Beamin

2010-04-28T20:49:00.004-05:00

I'm a big Lupe Fiasco fan. Dude undeniably makes great music but he is constantly underrated. I absolutely love Food & Liquor and The Cool. After he released his Enemy of the State mixtape I was left wanting more since it was only about 20 minutes. I was excited to watch his video for I'm Beamin. I really can't wait to buy the Lasers album.

The Bet

2010-04-25T19:58:00.004-05:00

So this past Saturday Nashville experienced monsoon type weather so I was basically trapped in the house all day. Instead of doing work (because my laptop was trapped in the lab and I wasn't getting drenched) I sat in the house all day and watched movies. First up on my list was Love & Basketball. After that I watched the Wood then I ended the night with The Best Man.

Watching the part of The Wood when the Big Mike, Roland and Slim had the bet had me thinking about when I was a horny teenager. If you don't remember what scene I'm referring to here it is:

I remember when I was a virgin and my friends and I would have conversations about girls and sex. Personally, I was in no rush to lose my virginity. While my teammates and I would have locker talk and they would tell tall tales of their sexual conquests, no one believed me when I told them I was a virgin. Maybe they thought I just didn't want them in my business or maybe they thought I couldn't possibly be a virgin. Either way I was always telling the truth. It wasn't that I was saving myself for marriage but I honestly knew that I wasn't ready to be having sex and based on conversations with my father I knew that it was always going to be there.

It's amazing how much a young man that age can think about sex. As I entered college still a virgin it was basically all I thought about (besides basketball). Still a virgin, I was more reluctant to tell people about my status because at that point people looked at me like a freak of nature (especially being a guy). At this point I often thought on the advice/rules my mother gave me, "focus on your studies, the women will always be there"..."you can't have a girlfriend till you're 19." and I started to wonder why I listened to her.

Flash forward to my first girlfriend. End Virginity. I'm not going to tell you exactly how old I was but it was my 1st semester of my junior year in college. I remember what I was doing right before (at a Sigma probate) and what I did after. Those are all the details I'll reveal. I think I definitely lost my virginity to the right person at the right time. My outlook on sex and relationships (but mostly sex) today were shaped on my experiences with my first girlfriend.

Do you remember your first time? Do you regret losing your virginity to the person you lost it to? Are you still a virgin (I hope not)? How was your first time? Do you remember how simple life was pre-sex?

The World Is Your Oyster

2010-04-21T15:19:00.008-05:00

I remember it like it was yesterday. My 7th grade homeroom teacher, Mrs. Seabolt, told me that the "World could be my oyster." Let me give you a little bit of background information. In elementary school I got decent grades but I was talkative and my grades didn't reflect my potential. I had never heard the term "World could be your oyster" so being the curious youth that I was I asked her what it meant. She basically told me that "all opportunities are open to someone, the world is theirs." Maybe it was the naivety of a 12 year old but I actually believed that I could do anything I put my mind to. I actually believed that I could take over the world. All this because an 80+ year old woman with throat cancer believed in me. Yep 80+. Mrs. Seabolt always carried around a cup of water because her radiation therapy left her without the ability to produce her own saliva. It really hurt me the next year when I found out that she succumbed to her cancer. From the 7th grade till my junior year in high school I didn't get so much as a B on my report card (damn physics). I've never shared my motivation behind doing so well in school with anyone. She didn't just tell me positive things. She saw my potential and worked with me. She kicked me in the ass whenever I slacked and pushed me to be great.

It's amazing how someone can see something in you that you never saw in yourself. All it takes is someone to open up your eyes so you can see it for yourself. Teachers have the most underrated, underpaid, under appreciated profession in this country. My motivation to do well in school was an older, Caucasian woman. Not my parents, not a professional athlete, not a rapper but a teacher.

To this day I still think I can take over the world. Maybe not in the literal sense but in a theoretical one. I still think that I can do anything I put my mind to. I don't put restrictions on myself. I know that in order to achieve anything in this world, I have to grab the opportunities that life has given to me. I find it ironic that the woman who first gave me my motivation died from cancer now I'm in the field of cancer research.

Who first told you that you could be great? Where do you continue to look for motivation? Do you have that one teacher who made a difference in your life?

This is my song of the month and maybe the summer.

#onmycockyshit

2010-04-10T15:26:00.006-05:00

As I sit on my couch on this magnificent Monday afternoon I couldn't help but think of how great I am. I know what you're asking yourself, "What makes Tunde so great?". Well don't fret, I'm about to tell you.

The first step to being great is to have confidence in yourself because if you don't believe in you then who will? I like this song called New York by Ja Rule. It features Fat Joe and Jadakiss. Kiss has this bar that makes so much sense to me:

I'm not cocky, I'm confident
So when you tell me I'm the best
It's a compliment.

Now let me tell you why I'm so great.

I had a staring contest with the sun and won. Eclipse.

I'm the reason why Waldo is hiding. Let me know if you see him.

I once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

I ordered a Big Mac at Burger King last week, and got one.

I don't teabag girls, I potato sack them.

I once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made me blink.

Ok I didn't do any of these things. Chuck Norris did. I'm still awesome though.

I even started my own trending topic on twitter (#onmycockyshit).

Do you feel yourself (pause)? Do you think the sun rises and shines on your ass? Are you your biggest fan? Tell me why you're so great.

#hoshit

2010-04-07T19:15:00.007-05:00

I see right through your shenanigans.

This past week Spring was officially bitch-slapped by Summer and told to get to the back of the line. We went from nice temperatures of low to mid 70's to the high 80's. Its been nice enjoying this weather. The bruhs have been cooking out all week (not like that's anything out of the norm) and my friends and I have been on our happy hour patio flow.

The subject I wanted to touch on in this blog post are the articles of clothing some women sport when the temperatures reach a certain level. I understand ~~and appreciate~~ the amount of skin that is revealed. What I'm not a fan of is #hoshit and/or women who wear clothes that are two sizes to small. Neither one is appealing to my eyes or my taste and I would rather you stay out of my line of vision. In my opinion there is a difference between being sensual and suggestive and being trashy and trifling.

Maybe its my fault because I can filter out #hoshit. I understand the reasoning behind some women's logic. "I'm not really that cute in the face so let me wear the lowest cut shirt I can find so I can display my breasts for the world to see. Maybe guys will look past the disappointment that I call my face and be hypnotized by my double D's." or how about "I know I'm a 16 but lets see if I can squeeze into this size 12. Yeah my rolls will be exposed but it makes my ass seem so much bigger. Maybe he won't think about the craters I have in my ass once I take off my clothes." I really can't fault the logic some women use because 75% (underestimating) of dudes will fall for this game hook, line and sinker. This will produce a lot of inflated egos. Which will lead to what I like to call:

a margin of error on the scale

What's does that mean? Well I'm glad you asked. Lets say a woman is around a 5 on the scale. She's not really that cute in the face but she has a fairly decent size ass and she has a C cup. She wears very revealing clothes so she gets hit on all day by random dudes. What she doesn't realize is that 9 out of the 10 dudes who try to holla at her don't even know what color her eyes are. She begins to believe that she is cuter than she is and in her mind she rates herself about an 8. Far be it for me to knock for woman for having confidence but lets be real. If said woman didn't have the body that she flaunts she would not get second looks. Now she is a 5 with an 8's attitude. Then she comes across a guy like me who can see past the gimmick and with her attitude I now think she's a 3.

What do you think of my theory on #hoshit and the increase of it now that its getting hot out? Am I just a pompous asshole? Do you participate in #hoshit?

Product Loyalty

2010-04-01T13:37:00.004-05:00

Who wants to buy me a Mac Book Pro?

The other day after I left the lab I went to ~~go grocery shopping~~ make groceries and pick up a few household items. I stopped by Dollar General because they usually have pretty good prices on things such as toilet paper and deodorant. As I perused the aisles, checking items off my list I noticed that they were out of Degree deodorant. They had plenty of Speed Stick and Old Spice on sale, but I only use Degree. It works well for me and I'm loyal to the brand. I ended up going to Kroger and paying twice as much as I would have paid if I bought the Speed Stick or Old Spice. As I thought about that I realized that I'm not only loyal to just Degree. Here are a couple more products which I'm faithful to.

Pepsi. As far as cola drinks go Coca-Cola is the pits to me. Pepsi (Diet Pepsi specifically) tastes so much better to me. I do prefer Sprite (Coca-Cola) to 7-Up (Pepsi) though.

Colgate. Crest doesn't feel like it gets my teeth as clean as Colgate does. My dad uses Aim. He might as well use whip cream to brush his teeth.

Nike. Have you seen most of the sneakers that Adidas and Reebok make? I wouldn't imagine spending my hard earned money on those monstrosities.

St. Ives lotion. For some reason this brand of lotion works best for my skin (pause just in case).

Simply products. Whether its orange (preferably with pineapple), lemonade or limeade, Simply makes the best juice in the world.

What products can't you do without? Are you a label/product whore?

Crush

2010-03-30T22:40:00.006-05:00

I've always like to write. Before I started this blog I used to write short stories and before that I used (and sometimes still do) write poems. I have a book where I keep a lot of the poems that I've written in the past. I think that twitter is mostly to blame for my lack of writing sometimes. I thought that I would flip through my book, randomly stop on a page and share one with you.

Give me strength to speak my mind
What I have felt for so long
Yes...the rumors are true
I have a crush on you

From the day we met, from your first words
I have struggled against my heart
No longer can I deny what I feel
Now I want to make my dreams become real

I have watched you from afar
Gazing upon thee with loving eye
I wish to have thee in my arms to hold
To keep you warm from the cold

Heaven on Earth...An impossible dream
But a wish I do share
Give me your heart...give me the key
I promise to make it warm, safe and happy

**I might periodically post some stuff from my book.**

***Amended to add: If you go through my blog, the first 4 blog posts are poems as well.***

Spring Forward

2010-03-28T18:25:00.005-05:00

With temperatures in the mid 70's and no rain in sight it looks like spring has officially hit Nashville (although I couldn't tell by looking out my window right now). I'm glad that the weather is finally starting to break. Spring is a good time of year. It seems like a chance to start over ~~break ups are at an all time high~~ and get a fresh outlook on the rest of the year. Here are some of the things I like about spring:

Longer hours of daylight. Its seems like I have more time to get more things done even though there are technically the same amount of hours in the day.

Spring cleaning. I'm a neat freak. I don't like junk or clutter, so I use the change in seasons to clean my house from top to bottom.

Sundresses, flipflops and sandals. I love when women break them out and show some skin.

Wearing white. I like the look of white sneakers. White sneakers just don't look as fresh when its cold out. I'm just waiting to break these back out:

Brevity. Spring doesn't stick around as long as summer and winter so it doesn't give you a chance to get tired of it.

One thing I promise makes me hate is spring is allergies. Pollen is my worst enemy. Ironically I never had allergy problems until I moved to Tennessee. Growing up I felt sorry for my mother when she had bad allergy attacks. Now I deal with the same thing. Needless to say my best friend for the next couple of weeks will be:

What do love about spring time? What do you hate?

Yes I'm a sucker for...

2010-03-21T18:32:00.007-05:00

dimples.

Random dimples

A dimple is any sort of indentation. Most dimples are actually caused by a birth defect. The most common cause of dimples is a shortened muscle, which explains why dimples are not always apparent at rest, since muscles are typically in their shortened state at rest. In the face, shorter face muscles pull at the skin, especially when someone smiles, creating a classic dimple.

Despite the fact that dimples are defects, I love the way they look. Besides nice, full lips dimples are the only other facial feature that I believe can really bring out a smile on a woman. I often think that women with dimples shouldn't be allowed to frown. They should just walk around happy all the time (or at least look like they're happy). There are a couple of women I know that I would love to stick my tongue in their dimples. There is this one woman in particular (yes you).

Since I'm a science guy I had to look up some genetic facts on dimples.

The genetic of dimples is actually rather interesting. Dimples are a dominant, which means that it only takes one gene to inherit dimples. If neither of your parents has dimples, you shouldn't have them either, unless you experience a spontaneous mutation. If one of your parents has dimples, you have a 25-50% chance of inheriting the gene, since it means that parent inherited the gene from one or both parents. If both of your parents have dimples, you have a 50-100% chance of inheriting the gene, depending on how they inherited their dimple genes.

One celebrity who's dimples I am really attracted to is Lauren London.

I used to love her. Not anymore.

We all know why.

Rain boots

2010-03-16T16:06:00.004-05:00

This weekend I was home and I had a great time despite the fact that it rained the ENTIRE weekend. The rain wasn't enough to spoil the fact that I was home with family and friends. The one thing that I noticed with the torrential downpours was women brought out their rain boots. I never noticed how much I liked this look on a woman before this past weekend. Its simple yet sexy to me. I think its the fact that that I like a woman to look cute and comfortable over titillating and uncomfortable.

While I'm on the subject of articles of clothing women put on in the rain. I love seeing a woman in a trench coat to go with those rain boots. Perfect combination in my book and would definitely get a second look from me.

Fellas, how do you feel about rain boots? Do women look stupid when they wear rain boots when its not wet outside? Am I way off base?

My name tells a story. What story does yours tell?

2010-03-07T12:16:00.005-06:00

Yesterday I was watching the Texas/Baylor basketball game. When the star watch came across the screen, Baylor had a player by the name of Lacedarius. At first look I thought he had a Greek name but as I looked further I came to the conclusion that his name was probably a mixture of two names: Lacy and Darius. Now I know with a name like Tunde, most of you are probably thinking that I have no reason to be talking about Lacedarius. This is what I wrote on twitter yesterday:

i don't. i know my name is different but it actually has a deep rooted meaning. lacedarius sounds like a combo of 2 names.

Most Nigerian names have specific meaning. My niece's middle name literally means "born on sunday". My brothers (twins) names mean: "eldest of twins" and "youngest of twins". My youngest brothers name means: "born after twins". So while Nigerian names may seem hard to pronounce to most Americans they actually have some type of meaning and they are hardly ever made up. This morning when I woke up I checked my email and got a very interesting email from brother.

So we’ve all been there. First day of school, substitute teacher, work, even our every day lives. We’ve all been through it. We sit there, watching the individual with the list of names, just awaiting the look of panic and the pre-apology for mispronouncing our name. We know that they are about to butcher our names, so we raise our hands quickly, so in an effort to prevent both our embarrassment as well as theirs. What does it mean to be African in America? Well, it means many things. But one thing that I believe is constantly overlooked is our names. What’s in a name?
Due to the constant mispronunciation of our names, we are forced to do four things. One, we begin to go by nicknames. My best friend growing up had the last name Ayarinola. The unforgiving students called him granola bar until the day he graduated. For a long time, instead of calling me by my last name, Awoniyi, I was called ADub, AW, and A&W rootbeer, Awana-eat, I wanna wewe. The only thing that they have in common is that they all start with an A. Close, but not quite. I guess with nicknames it helps the individual over compensate for their lack of pronunciation ability.
Second, we go by the meaning of our names. My good friend, Ifedayo, went by love all through middle school. Good thing her name was not Joke.
Third, it forces us to get tired of cringing every time our name is slaughtered and we just begin to pronounce it however it will make it easy for them to say. Tomi become Tomy, Lara to Laura. Will it ever end? I have to say, though, out of all these, the fourth is the worst.
We change our names all together. For the first ten years of my life, I was called Seye, or rather Sheya as the average American pronounced it. Then after that, I began to be called Mary. Now to the African community, I’m Seye, but to everyone else, I’m Mary. And you all know exactly what I’m talking about. How many Graces or Josephs do you know?
Through my short life, I have begun to realize what slowly happens to us when we change our names in order to accommodate others. We slowly being to conform. We slowly being to forget who we are in hopes of making them happy. Although it is merely a minute change, our name is our identity. Our name is who we are.
19 years ago, Funso Awoniyi gave birth to her second daughter. This child almost did not make it; there were doubts concerning not only her survival, but a successful birth as well. But after labor that lasted for what felt like forever, the proud mother was able to hold her baby in her arms. She named that baby Oluwaseye. Oluwaseye. God has done this. God has done this. Not Nancy, not Beth, not Jessica, but God has done this, Oluwaseye.
True, being an African in America means that my name is constantly slaughtered. Yes, it means that I constantly have to just shrug off the fact that at times it feels like the individual is not even trying to pronounce my name correctly. But you know what? It also means that I am unique. It means that my name is a large part of who I am. It means that my name not only represents me, but it represents my family, my people, and the struggles that we have overcome. It means that my name is part of something bigger than I am. It means that my name is well, it’s my name. And I take pride in that. Oluwaseye. Oluwaseye. God has done this. God, has done this. My name tells a story. What story does yours tell?

Written by Seye Awoniyi

*******

I can relate to this email because I also dreaded the days when my teacher would call my name for roll and horribly mispronounce my name. It still happens to this day but I just politely correct whomever mispronounces my name. I take great pride in my name which means "he has come again". In Yoruba culture, there is belief in reincarnation. When a loving grandfather dies, and soon after, a child is born, they believe the father has reincarnated. I also understand that my name is a foreign language and it would unfair for me to expect people to pronounce it right the first time. What I won't stand for is for people to make fun of my name or mispronounce it on purpose. My name is not THAT difficult (pronounced Tune-Day). Even though my children will probably not have Nigerian first names (their middle and last names will be), their names will probably be biblical in origin. A name means a lot and it's not something that should be taken or given lightly.

Paintball

2010-03-02T14:40:00.005-06:00

This past weekend I had a lot of fun hanging with friends. That says a lot considering I stayed in boring Nashville. I did a variety of things but the highlight of my weekend was a GSA (Graduate Student Association) sponsored social activity. We went to play paintball. I never really had a desire to play after seeing the giant blister a paintball left on my brother's neck when we were younger.

Paintball is a game or sport where players compete, in teams or individually, to eliminate opponents by hitting them with paintballs. We played on an outdoor field with teams of 5. We played capture the flag in a wooded playing field. That to me was the most fun. I think I would make a pretty good solider. We also played elimination on a hyper field. I really didn't like that game because it required less strategy and team work.

After a while we played on a larger wooded area playing field. To me the field was entirely too large because I got lost a couple of times and it was 17-17. It was hard to distinguish who was on my team. My greatest victory was sniping the hell out a dude who was dressed like this:

He blended in very well with the brush but seeing as I have 20/20 vision and great hearing, I heard him crawling through the brush. He got unloaded on (pause).

We were out there for about 3 hours and I had a complete blast. If you haven't been I strongly suggest you go. I was worried about the paintballs hurting or leaving bruises but I wore 3 layers of bottoms and tops and left unscathed. I am seriously considering buying my own paintball gun and going once a month. I wonder if the United States Paintball League (USPL) has any leagues near Nashville.

The Art of Kissing

2010-02-17T21:38:00.004-06:00

Wikipedia defines it as the act of pressing one's lips against the body of another. Sounds like such a simple definition to such a complicated act. It can mean so many things. A greeting, a good-bye or a term of endearment. There's just something about a kiss and not the type of kiss that you give to your mother. I'm speaking on the sensuality, electricity and lasciviousness that you feel the second your lips make contact with that person.

I remember my first kiss like it was yesterday. I was what you would call a late bloomer. It didn't happen until my senior year of high school and it was everything that I could have hoped for. Since that day I've been infatuated with kissing. I personally think its a lost art form. I have friends who have told me that they think kissing is disgusting (not gonna call you out though). I don't understand the logic behind having sex with a person but not kissing them. I guess it's not for me to understand since I'm not having sex with them.

If I could describe the perfect kiss it would start the second before our lips actually touch. From the anticipation of what is about to occur to the nervousness that happens because my mind is racing. When our lips actually make contact the softer her lips the better. Since I have fuller lips, it don't really matter if her lips are thin or not. I'll spare you the details on the rest.

How do you feel about kissing? Do you consider yourself a good kisser? Does the physical makeup of your partner's mouth contribute to the experience of the kiss? How do you feel about crusty lips while kissing. That last question was out of left field, but it was something I just thought of.

Click here to see different types of kissing.

I'm Not A Player, I Just Crush A Lot

2010-02-03T21:20:00.006-06:00

Thinking of your crush directly causes a rush in your chest and a noticeable increase in your heartbeat. The tragedy of knowing that your crush might not reciprocate your feelings fills you with despondency and hopelessness. All you can do is fantasize about your crush becoming a part of your life, of linking your experiences with theirs, of assimilating their existence into your mundane world. Having a crush is a euphoric, desperate, compulsive state of being.

I remember my first real crush. It was when I moved and started a different elementary school during the 4th grade. Her name was Dominique. I crushed on her from the fourth grade all the way until the end of middle school. In my eyes she could do no wrong. I remember how I excited I was when she found out she was coming to my 13th birthday party. Maybe it was because she was always nice to me. Or maybe it was her perfectly cut bangs. I don't know but Ahhh the memories.

Once I entered into the brand new world of high school I was besieged by so many pretty girls. It seemed like I had a new crush every week. There were tall girls, there were short girls. There were skinny girls, there were thick girls. It was simply beautiful bliss. There were a few crushes that did stand out though. Two to be exact but I won't put them ~~or myself~~ out there like that. These crushes were my friends first and foremost so I think overall I was most infatuated with their personalities. It didn't hurt that I found them absolutely beautiful. We are actually still good friends to this day.

After I left high school I thought I was over crushes. I didn't have not one in college. After all who has time for that type of innocent behavior in college? College is all about ~~getting it in~~ finding yourself right? After college it was time to grow up and infatuations were one of those things that was childish. I thought I had put it all behind me until my second year of grad school. That's when I first met her. A couple of my friends know whom I speak of. If you look at some of my early blog posts, I believe I actually mentioned her. Too bad she had a boyfriend the entire time she was here. You best believe I let her know what was up though. lol Oh what could have been.

Do I have any crushes now? Sure do. Would they ever know? Probably not. Do you still have crushes? If you do, do/would you let that person know?

Dream-2/1/10

2010-02-02T15:16:00.003-06:00

*****Before I get into the dream , I know that you read my blog so I just want to state the that although some names and periods of time have been changed this isn't about you. This isn't about you either. Or you. Just don't want you making assumptions because we know what that leads to. Anyway, I know that YOU read my blog and this IS about you.*****

Characters of My Dream (some names have been changed to protect the not so innocent):

Erica- A woman who I "date" on occasion.

Kennedy- My line brother.

James- Kennedy's friend.

Natasha- Another girl whom I am currently dating.

It's a Saturday night and Kennedy and I are hanging out so we decide to go to Outback (or any restaurant that has booths in their bar area) to have drinks. I decide to invite Natasha along to have drinks with us and James just so happened to drop by the crib before we head out so he came along too. While we are having drinks at Outback I notice that Natasha and James are a little too comfortable with each other and that caused me to feel some type of way (I have no idea what this had to do with the overall dream). Either way we are having a good time when I notice that Erica and her "date" walk into the bar area. Being the cool cat that I am I play it easy as Erica and I make eye contact. Erica and her date sit at another booth across from the bar. For some reason Erica keeps looking towards our table and catching eye contact with me.

In this particular bar there is a men's, women's and family bathroom. When Erica gets up to use the bathroom she catches eye contact with me again but this time her date notices. He gets up and follows her into the family bathroom. The entire bar can hear him whooping her ass in the bathroom. Natasha looks at me like aren't you going to do anything. Kennedy and I get up and walk towards the bathroom. Kennedy gets there before I do and as Erica's date walks out he punches him and drops him with one punch. As dude lay bleeding on the ground Kennedy hits him a couple more times. Some random dudes at the bar hold Erica's date down on the ground. One of the guys holds his leg up at a 45 degree angle and Kennedy takes a running start, jumps in the air and lands right on dude's knee.

In my dream I could vividly remember hear the bones in dude's leg breaking. I cringed so hard in my sleep that I woke up. I was 3:46 in the morning and I had a hard time going back to sleep. I thought when I woke up in the morning I would forget the dream, but even as I'm writing this I can picture Kennedy literally breaking dude's leg in two. *shudder*

******************************

I have no interest in looking up interpretations for this dream. Just wanted to share.

Skin-Freaky Friday

2010-01-28T19:37:00.009-06:00

***My girl Reecie sometimes does a Freaky Friday post over at Soundtrack of My Life, featuring her favorite sexy jam at the moment. I was thinking of her when I decided I wanted to post something similar today. Since I'm not going to be getting into any freaky activity today, I figured I'd write about it since I can't have the real thing. Also Reecie picked the soundtrack for this post. I respect her musical opinion. She be on it, so check out her blog. ***

I love your skin. It's soft and smooth. I've reiterated that I don't care what complexion a woman's skin is, just as long as its healthy (read here). When you have on lotion that smells good, I take a deep breath when I hug you and take it all in ~~#twss, pause~~. I relish the feeling when our skin touches and the hairs on our body stand straight.

I love the feeling of skin to skin contact. I just don't mean actual penetration or oral gratification. Sure I would love to impale you and watch the sheer look of joy, pain and exhilaration on your face. In reality that's just one part of the experience. I want to feel your breasts against my chest. Our hearts beating in unison. The sweat dripping off your back sliding down my chest and down my stomach. Your legs wrapped around my waist as our lips and tongues intertwine. I don't want to be able to tell where you stop and I begin as I get deeper and deeper. Side by side, on top, upside down, forward and backward, however we get it, I want every part of my body to touch every part of yours. For me and you its not just an act but an experience. I'm going to savor every moment of this adventure.

When we have both come back down to reality from what just occurred, I still crave that skin to skin contact. I know its cold out but after I get you a warm washcloth and something to drink, don't worry about being cold. We'll use body heat to keep us warm. We'll sleep content and satisfied while our limbs are tangled. In my sleep I subconsciously put my hand there, while you put your hand here and before you know round 2 has begun. The next morning even though I'm late to my meeting and we're tired from lack of sleep the look of your body and the fact that its morning has inspired round 3. Or does this count as a different match? Who cares if I'm late to my meeting? I love the feeling of your skin.

Mood Music (if I used any):

Open Letter

2010-01-26T17:32:00.009-06:00

Dear Black Women,

I do a lot of reading (books, magazines, blogs, etc) and I've noticed a stigma when it comes to black women. It seems there are so many people telling you what's wrong with you. From relationship issues to physical features everyone has their opinion on why you are not happy, unsatisfied, mad or just plain undeserving. I don't feel that there are enough outlets that celebrate black womanhood. I did a post similar on blog in the past (click here to check it out). Hopefully this letter does you some justice.

First let me start with the first black woman in my life who is my everything. She gave me life. She nurtured me and helped shape me in the man that I am. Remember, you are what she is to me. You are the mother of this Earth. You birthed the first man. The first woman. Without you noone would be here. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Big ups to my moms.

The saying "Behind every strong man is a strong woman" seems cliché but it couldn't hold any truer when it comes to black men. Speaking as a black man we have to deal with so much in the world. So many preconceived ideas about who we are, what we aren't and what we can't do. It's so reassuring to have a black woman beside you to hold you up while dealing with her own issues. That takes strength, sturdiness and vigor.

Don't concern yourself with what other people (including other black women) might think of you. If you aren't married or don't have kids by a certain age don't feel pressured to do so because of social pressures or what others might think. If you feel like black men aren't acting right, expand your horizons (black men will do it in a heartbeat so why not you?). Don't feel pressured to change the way you look because guys ogle over a certain "type" they see on television. I promise there are plenty of men out there that appreciate you just the way you are.

Just know that you are appreciated even though sometimes it may not seem that way.

Sincerely,

Tunde

Dream-1/23/10

2010-01-26T11:33:00.006-06:00

***On Saturday night I had one dream and one nightmare. Usually I don't know exactly where these weird dreams come from but I think at least this time I have a reason. I rented Gamer and Halloween II from Redbox© Saturday night. After watching Gamer I fell asleep watching Halloween. It was playing while I was sleep. I believe it had a lot to do with nightmare. ***

So I was in church at Mt. Zion (Old Hickory location) listening to Bishop Walker give the sermon for the day. When I go I usually sit in the center near where the camera man is, so in my dream that's where I was sitting. I heard commotion in the back and I looked back I saw the bruhs locking the doors so no one would be able to escape. Don't ask me how I know they were the bruhs but I just knew. Maybe they had on purple and gold shirts. Anyway, all of them had axes, knives, machetes, etc. They went to mascaraing nearly the entire congregation. For some reason they didn't touch Bishop Walker or me. Maybe they knew we were bruhs too but it was strange. I tried to save as many people as I could but there was so much blood. It was a very strange dream.

***************************************

Dream- To dream that you are in a church, suggests that you are seeking for some spiritual enlightenment and guidance. You are looking to be uplifted in some way. Perhaps you have made some mistakes in the past which have set you back on your path toward your goals. With proper support, you will get on the right track again. Alternatively, it may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading. You are reevaluating what you want to do.

Ax- To see an ax in your dream, indicates that you are overly controlling. It is symbolic of destruction, hostility, and the frustrations that you are experiencing. Perhaps you "have an ax to grind" with someone. Or the dream can be a metaphor that you are ready to "bury the ax" and make amends.

Murder- To dream that you witness a murder, indicates deep-seated anger towards somebody. Consider how the victim represents aspects of yourself that you want to destroy or eliminate.

All the Best Ones are Taken

2010-01-20T20:59:00.010-06:00

**First I want to shout out my Fav, Milan for giving me this blog idea. Check out her blog and follow her on twitter. She really is my favorite. :-) **

We've been pretty good friends for a while now. I don't even remember how we even became friends. That's what I tell myself because she has placed me in purgatory AKA the friend zone. I had the biggest crush on her when we first met but I guess she only saw me as a friend, so that's the position I played. We laugh at each other's jokes, we both listen to the same type of music, we are an intellectual match. We just fit well together. As friends. So frustrating. Eventually I began to look at her as just a friend.

She comes to me for advice or just to vent about the her relationship/men issues and sometimes I just listen because I guess that's what good friends do. I never really go to her about relationship stuff because I don't really talk about my feelings. Until that one day I told her that I was planning on becoming exclusive with this one woman I was seeing. When I told her she seemed pretty shocked and I asked her why.

She replied, "Well I never really thought of you as the type of guy who was the commitment type."

That was 4 months ago and now when we hang out I notice that things have become weird between us. I catch her stealing glances at me and she looks at me a little differently now. I also swear that there is an increase in sexual tension (at least on her end because it was always there on my end). Then one night while we went out on a Friday to have drinks she hit me with it. While I was driving her home she put her hand on my thigh and as I turned and looked in her eyes and I will never forget the next words she said to me:

"I want you right now."

We both had a couple of drinks so I guess that liquid courage got the best of her. I just couldn't help but wonder where all of was coming from. Then it dawned on me when all of this attention from her came about. It was when I told her I had a girlfriend. That's when my conscious took over. Should I do the right and moral thing or should I throw caution to the wind and give into my carnal desires?

What is it about a man that is taken that makes them that more attractive and appealing to women (or vice versa but not really)? Here are reasons why people are already attached might seem more appealing than if they weren't:

First, men seem much more trustworthy because they haven't been straying (that you know of). Secondly, it's a taboo. Exciting, like seducing a priest or ~~midget porn~~. Thirdly, conquest and accomplishment. We want what we can't have. A woman can feel bad about it, but inside there is some part which feeds the ego if she's good enough to pull a taken man away from his significant other.

Have you ever starting seeing someone differently after you found out they were involved with someone? Did you act on it?

***Based on some comments that have been made I felt I had to come back and add this disclaimer. This story is NOT about Milan and I.***

***Disclaimer #2 This story is fictional.***

Happy MLK Day!

2010-01-12T20:31:00.003-06:00

Oh and if this video offends you then *shrug*.

Enjoy your day off (well those that will have the day off).

Racist or Truth Teller?

2010-01-10T10:08:00.007-06:00

After hearing/reading about this new scandal involving Harry Reid I'm really over people. Basically he made comments saying Barack Obama was elected president because he was light skinned and had a lack of "negro dialect". I feel like people nowadays get offended by the simplest things. Honestly, Harry Reid told the truth and because he's a senator he's not allowed to have an opinion? If you don't agree with what he said then don't vote for him again when his term is up. Simple as that. When Wale said something similar in his song Shades ft Chrisette Michele no one raised an eyebrow:

"What if Barack skin was all black truthfully would he be a candidate or just a blackened community because black dudes tend to lack unity"

Let's be real with ourselves, if Barack was dark skinned and spoke with a distinct accent (not even slang) would he be president today? Probably not. Would he have gotten support from Caucasians? Probably not.

I think its a matter of people getting mad at the truth. Like they say: "The truth hurts." When Don Imus called the Rutger's players nappy headed hoe's, he was wrong. He didn't know if they were hoe's or not. Nappy headed? Sure a lot of them were. I think if anything Don Imus should have been called sexist instead of racist.

People are so sensitive. People have the right to say what they want about who they want (as long as you don't slander or libel). Its called the 1st Amendment. Its really not about what you are called its about what you answer to. Remember:

"If they talked about Jesus what makes you think they won't talk about you."

Night at the Roxbury

2010-01-04T18:21:00.006-06:00

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a very social person. I like hanging around my friends and keeping good company. So naturally I'm inclined to go out often. When I go out to clubs I tend to hang out with the people that I know, people watch, have a few drinks and even dance a little. Lately I haven't been motivated to actually go to nightclubs. Maybe its the fact that I live in Nashville and the nightlife scene is the pits. These are the reasons why clubs have lost a lot of their luster, at least in my mind:

452% markup on liquor

I'm really over paying $10-$17 for a cup of watered down liquor or $400-$1000 for a bottle/bottle service for a bottle that costs $30-$40. The only other business that rapes their customers as such are credit card companies.

Standing in line

Why are bouncers always douchebags?

I can be quite the impatient person. What really grinds my gears is when I know a club is holding the line on purpose. This holds especially true whenever the temperatures are lower than 50 degrees. Why should I have to stand in line to come in your club to pay YOU money?

Crowds

This just looks uncomfortable.

Although I like to be around people I don't like to feel too crowded. Some people have no concept of personal space and it makes me feel claustrophobic. Feeling like a sardine in a can is not a good look. Plus when its that crowded you tend to notice that some people tend not to be so fresh. I have a keen sense of smell which brings me to my next point:

Smoke

I'd be lying if I said ~~I don't smoke~~ I've never smoked but its something about second hand smoke that really bothers me. ~~Jacks~~ Cigarettes smell horrible to me and the scent stays in your clothes. I hear women complain all the time about how the smell stays in their hair. Glad I don't have that problem. Thank goodness for cities that ban smoking in public places.

A lot of times I don't experience a lot of these things every time I go out. Maybe 2 or 3 at once but at some point and time I experience them all in some form or fashion. Maybe I should investigate alternative forms of entertainment. House gatherings, lounges, ~~strip clubs~~.

Dream-12/28/09

2009-12-29T15:53:00.003-06:00

*****It's been a while since I blogged about one of my dreams. I have been having dreams but I just haven't been feeling motivated to blog about them. *****

In this particular dream I was back in college only I went to a school ~~that actually had a football team~~ that had a big time football program. My best friend played defensive end for our school's team and he was thought of as being a very high draft pick in the upcoming NFL draft. For some reason he asked me to come to the combine with him. If you don't know what the combine is, it's where all the potential NFL draft picks come and perform tests. Like the 40 yard dash, bench pressing and even written tests.

While there some of the coaches asked me what position I played. I told them that I was there strictly for support. I kept getting asked over and over until I eventually told the coaches that I played wide receiver. They had me run the 40 yard dash and I shattered the record with a time 4.02 seconds. After that I excelled at most of the other drills and tests. Pretty good for someone who never played college football.

Come draft day this is where it gets weird. I was invited to the NFL Draft and all my family was there. I got picked third overall by the St Louis Rams. Once home my parents threw me a huge party and all my friends and family were invited. Funny thing is all my ex-girlfriends (except for one) showed up. I was wondering why my parents would invite them but they came. It really was on some Mike Jones sh*t. You know: "Back then they ain't want me, now I'm hot they all on me."

*****This dream was so weird. Usually if I wake up mid-dream and I fall back to sleep I usually have a completely different dream. Last night I woke up maybe 3-4 times and my dream kept picking up where it left off.*****

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Football- To dream that you are playing football or on a football field, represents your competitive nature. Alternatively, you are not getting enough cooperation in some area of your life. You are faced with many demanding challenges.

Ex- Past lovers often highlight the positive experiences you had with that person. It could also signify aspects of yourself that you have x'd out or neglected.

The Ugly Truth

2009-12-28T20:16:00.006-06:00

Today one of my friends, @Khalisha1981, posed this question on twitter:

Twitter Fam,how important is physical attraction in ur man/woman?

After not much thought at all I replied that looks are and will always be at the top of my list as far as a relationship. Its not rocket science so it's not hard to understand that when a man and a woman first meet it's usually physical attraction that beguiles them to each other. I know that looks may bring a person in and it's the personality that makes that person stay but something has to reel that person in. After I posted my response I was called superficial and shallow. #cmonson o_0

You mean to tell me that you could be in a relationship with a person that you don't find attractive? No matter how much you want to believe deep down inside I know you don't believe that. I think there could only possibly be four reasons why you would in a relationship with a person that you don't find attractive.

1. Freak Accident:

This is where personality and love would probably play the biggest role. Looks don't last forever and I think if one person in the relationship were to suffer some kind of freak accident that left them mutilated or disfigured then at this point looks should be the least of any one's concerns (see I'm not really that shallow?).

2. You're just plain lying:

Most people like to be politically correct. Saying that looks matter isn't PC so most people think it but most people don't like to own up to it. You should mean what you say and say what you mean.

3. You're not actually dating that person:

There are some women out there (yes you) who would date a man regardless of what he looks like because he has a certain amount of money or he has a certain status. I really don't think this counts because that woman is not dating that man. Rather she is dating his money or his status. There are other words I could use for these type of ~~people~~ women but that's for another blog.

4. You're not attractive yourself:

I'm calling a spade a spade. If you aren't attractive yourself of course you're going to say that looks don't matter. #shots Understandably there is a HUGE difference between looks and attraction. If we find each other attractive that's all that should matter but if NOONE else finds you attractive then that also speaks volumes. If you are offended by this point then you just might be a spade. #youmad?

My homegirl @seeomora had this to say on the subject:

If I can't imagine u naked then I don't want to look

I think this about sums up how I feel. So how bout it? How important are looks vs. attraction in a relationship to you? Am I really the 2009 version of Shallow Hal?

Big Booty Judy

2009-12-16T14:10:00.012-06:00

I was on twitter today and I noticed the trending topic #playedout. As I read the various responses I was slightly amused by some and I was generally annoyed by the majority of them. Anyway, it caused to think about some things that are played out. One thing that I think is played out is... *drum roll*

Phat Asses (over all thickness for that matter)

Now I know what you're thinking. I'm tripping right? Or maybe I'm delusional? How could I say that about the one body part on a woman that most men can't resist? Hear me out.

I used to always find myself ~~lusting after~~ in relationships with thicker women. It used to be something about a phat ass and double D breasts that sent me over the edge. I mean don't get me wrong they still do but I have come to appreciate the petiteness of a woman. There is nothing wrong with a B cup (or a full A). I'm from the state of mind that all you really need is mouthful. Honestly, anything more than that is extra. You don't need to have the body type to fill out a pair of apple bottoms if you just as sexy in a pair of 7 jeans. The only advantage I could imagine to having a bigger ass (from a guy's p.o.v.) would be back shots. As someone who really enjoys that there really isn't that big of a difference unless you going from say Pinky to Amy Winehouse. So for all you women who aren't as blessed in that area, there is hope for you yet. Just joking (a little). [*1]

Next I think we all are in agreement that the majority of men are visual creatures. Reading this blog Lost in Brook Lynn (Magic City Dancer), she did a question & answer session with the manager of Magic City. Here is an excerpt of the dialog:

Do you ever stop caring that there are a bunch of nude women around you ?

-Definitely, it’s overrated. Most women look better with their clothes on.

Now this is coming from a man who sees probably the best looking strippers in the country. In my opinion ass dimples and booty do's is not what's hot in the streets. These are things that can look good in clothes but when those clothes come off all that thickness just isn't as appealing.

Probably not so much

I don't know maybe if more men thought like me then women wouldn't feel the need to try to fool us into thinking they have what we desire (breast augmentation, butt pads, underwire pushup bras, etc.). I for one would be disappointed if I managed to be fooled by such tricks, deception and swindles. A classic example are of this is Nicki Minaj. If you were to see her without all that crap she wears she's actually a pretty decent looking woman. I believe she has fallen victim to industry packaging and feels the need to sell sex. Either way, its rumored that she wears butt implants. Compare her to one of my celebrity crushes, Keri Hilson, who embraces her body and doesn't feel the need to try to bamboozle us. I would roll with Keri any day of the week.

Queen of Butt Pads

-OR-

Slim & Slender

I don't want this post to be misconstrued as me trying to degrade or put down my thicker sisters because that's hardly the case. This post is just something that I thought has been over emphasized and is now getting kinda played.

With that I leave you with a quote from the philosopher Malice of Clipse [Counseling track ft. Nicole Hurst off their new album Till the Casket Drops]:

"I used to be all about a phat ass
then I found a cutie with a flat ass
good hair, nice smile but a flat ass
2 outta 3, shit I couldn't let that pass" [*1]

[*1] I am in no way saying I like flat asses. I'm actually more of an ass man than a breast man. Just wanted to put that out there.

Call Me Mr. Flintstone

2009-12-09T18:25:00.005-06:00

So many jokes could be said here.

I've never really blogged about sex and I really don't have a reason why I haven't. I mean I love sex. Everything about it. How it makes me feel. How I can ~~bring multiple orgasms~~ make a woman feel. When sex is good it can make life that much better.

Laying in bed I just watched the Bedrock video by Young Money. I actually like this song for some reason even though the only artists I really like from Young Money are Jae Millz & Gudda. I actually think Nicki Minaj, Tyga, Mack Maine and this Chucky character are garbage. But getting back on topic I couldn't help but chuckle at this line:

"Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bedrock."

In my sexual experiences I have learned that women who talk a lot about what they can do often leave much to be desired in that department (maybe in the comment section some women can speak on their experiences). There are so many songs that would have you believe that its cool to brag on your sexual prowess but in my opinion that's like peeling a ripe banana only to find out its rotten on the inside (see what i did there? lol). I did a search on my iTunes on the word sex and these are the songs that I got:

I Invented Sex- Trey Songz ft. Drake
Sex Therapy- Robin Thicke
Sex in Crazy Places- Gucci Mane ft. Bobby Valentino & Nicki Minaj

That's just a couple. I'm not going to get into some of the things that come out of Nicki Minaj, Trina and Lil Kim's mouth ~~or goes in~~. I would put money up that these three chicks are probably terrible in bed [*1]. Once again from my experiences it's usually the ones that are quiet and don't have to talk about what they can do that will knock your socks off literally.

Be honest. Who's been here before?

I'm quite confident in what I can do (or can't do) but I don't see the need to broadcast that to whomever. If they are fortunate enough then they can have my actions speak much louder than my words (yeah I did that lol). Ladies, do you brag on your good good? No Ashanti. Fellas, are you in these streets telling these woman how you can have them walking funny the next day? Maybe you're like me and don't talk about it, you just be about it. Speak your piece/peace. lol

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[*1] I have nothing against these women and I could be absolutely wrong but even if I had the opportunity to see for myself I think I would pass. Well maybe not on Trina. She's Still Da Baddest B*tch.

Man Law or Common Courtesy

2009-12-07T13:38:00.006-06:00

Study them, learn them

There are man laws that I believe are universally accepted like:

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. And if you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. Also, there is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics. ever.

On the flip side there are man laws that are accepted by the majority but not observed by some. This could be total ignorance on part of the individual (which is no excuse) or that they just don't care. The man law that brought me to write this blog is:

If you are interested in a female or you vice verse and you've been out on dates, dated etc. then said girl is off limits to me.

Kind of looks suspect, right?

I'm not speaking on women who my boy may have just smashed off because that opens up a whole new can of worms and the dynamics in that situation works very differently. Like why would I seriously pursue a woman who my boy used to date or has dated, casually or seriously? It would just make for an awkward situation and that's not my style.

Previously I've done blog posts about thirsty broads. (You can read them here and here.) In my disdain for the broads that brought me to write those blog posts, I neglected to mention that dudes in fact can be thirsty. I feel as if you would go as far as to try to scoop your friend's leftovers [or current(s)] then you are indeed a thirsty n***a. Excuse my bluntness but in my life I've learned that p*ssy comes a dime a dozen but real true and tried friends are hard to come by.

What say you? Have you ever tried to get with someone your friend dates/dated? Do you have that one thirsty friend who acts like they've never seen a member of the opposite sex? How did you handle it? Is that thirsty person you and you just haven't realized it?

I love you

2009-11-27T13:19:00.003-06:00

You gave birth to the woman who gave me birth

A great woman who I wished I knew better

But we lived an ocean and a world apart

You no longer being with us is bittersweet

I guess I'm just selfish, because I want you to stay

But I know you're in a better place

No more suffering, no more pain

You are now with the love of your life

I guess it's the cycle of life

You were my last living grandparent

So now I just have my parents

And I fear the day I have to say goodbye to them

This is my goodbye

Grandma, I love you and I always will.

Stupid Dope Fresh Lyrics

2009-11-23T11:09:00.005-06:00

I think I have a pretty good ear for music. I love listening to hip hop songs that have tight lyrics. Lyrics that actually make you think. I think as far as the rap game is concerned so many people get caught up in the beat of a song and hook that they believe this makes a quality record. The craftsmanship of actually writing a verse that makes the listener think was starting to become a thing of the past.

With the freshman class (Wale, Drake, J. Cole, Kid Cudi, etc) the art of writing dope lyrics is making a comeback. One of my favorite up and coming rappers is J. Cole out of Fayetteville, N.C. At first I slept on son but then I took a hard listen to his latest mixtape, The Warm-Up. Two verses stuck out to me on that mixtape. The first is his verse off of The Badness ft Omen:

Believe in God like the sun up in the sky
Science can tell us how but can't tell us why
I seen a baby cry and seconds later she laughs
The beauty of life, the pain never lasts
The rain always pass, the sun don't always shine
When its gone I'm lonely but when its there I'm fine
I hate the winter time because the nights come quicker
The light make the whites think I'm a nice young n***er
But at night they think twice and walk a little faster
Funny 100 years ago I woulda called this n***er master
How the tables turned but still the fire's burning
I feel the heat, the world is a dryer turning (turning)
I'm looking for some higher learning (learning)
Girl you what I desire, yearning (yearning)
You say I'm easily distracted
I think the problem is that I'm easily attracted
by the dark side,
the temptation got me questioning where my heart lies
I'm trying to separate myself like apartheid
But hey the liquor keep swallowing
I swear I walk with God but the devil keep following

The second verse is off another track that i am really feeling. Its called Losing Your Balance. I love guitar in the background and the song is a song meant to uplift. The entire song is dope but I really feel the first verse:

Ms. High Profile, caught you shopping on Canal
I guess it make sense, it seem as phony as your style
Your hair and your nails just as phony as your smile
Fake eyelashes you drew your eyebrows
Make a brother ask do you pride yourself
Your makeup like a mask trying to hide yourself
It seem on the outside you thinking you the sh*t
But its a soulless inside that you ain't even knew exist
So you so out of touch that the world mistreat you
Rich n***as f*ck you and broke n***as beat you
Hope that this will reach you and you understand
That your value ain't determined by another man
Cuz right you let them brothers get the upper hand
And you just tell 'em go deep like Cunningham
And just let em OD like Len Bias
And that pussy so good he let his friends try it

If you want to download The Warm Up mixtape click here.

Just Black...?

2009-11-15T20:00:00.005-06:00

*****After having a good discussion, I asked my favorite, Milan, to write a guest blog post. I think she has an interesting perspective. Enjoy. Also laides if you want to know about the latest make and beauty products on the market hit up her blog. Click HERE to see it. *****

So I was actually pleased when my boy Tunde suggested I get on and write this post for his blog because it’s a topic I feel strongly about and have some ‘not so great’ experience with. It’s actually a follow-up to a post he wrote HERE that I thought was extremely thought provoking.

After reading Tunde’s post, it brought back a ton of memories I had of situations in the past (that were essentially the reverse of what he was talking about) where I was made to feel inadequate or “less than” because…well…I am ‘just’ black or ‘just’ African-American, if you will. Yes you read right, JUST black…as if being so was simply not good enough. I’ve heard some Africans and even Afro-Caribbean people say African-Americans are “lost, lazy and lack true heritage”. Instead of embracing African-Americans as an extension of who they are and the cultures they represent, many have chosen to shun us or write us off as “lost”. This is mind-boggling to me. And hurtful.

I identify myself as black or African-American. I tend to use the two interchangeably a lot although African-American speaks more to my culture whereas black can include people of various cultural backgrounds with a common tie to African ancestry. I was born here in the United States, so were my parents, so were their parents and several generations before them. Yet, I know I am a descendent of Africa. I know my roots and heritage can be traced directly back to that continent. I know my ancestors were taken from Africa, brought to America as slaves and that’s essentially where my family’s story in this country begins. I’ve had family members trace our ancestry back to the early/mid-1800s. I know my people were slaves in this country. I even know what states some of them lived, who may have owned them, how they married, what children they had, how they moved and migrated across this country, and how I came to be born and raised in California. These are things I know.

What I do not know is exactly what country in Africa my people came from. I do not know what village or tribe I am a descendant of. I do not know what region I am from. I do not have names of my African ancestors. I myself do not have an African surname. But my heart is there, I know it, I feel it and there’s nothing anyone can say or do to take that away from me or any other African-American in this country. I am proud of who I am, I am proud of the ancestors that struggled in THIS country for me to have the opportunities I have, I am proud of what African-Americans here represent. I am proud of my family and my name.

When I was in college, I had a Nigerian guy I liked tell me although he liked me too…his parents would never accept me because I was ‘just’ black. I think this was the first of many of these types of comments I would encounter throughout the years usually from well-meaning African friends of mine. At the time I didn’t even fully understand what that meant…’just’ black. But it did stick with me. I guess I was naïve and looked at us all in much the same way. Yes, I was aware of cultural differences, however, black was black to me. Whether you were Haitian, Nigerian, Belizean, African-American, Trinidadian, Jamaican-American, Eritrean, etc. It was the first time I started seeing the major division that WE create amongst ourselves. The various sects that had arisen, the “culture snobs” (as I tend to call them) that existed…those that shun anything and everything that is different from the specific African culture they were a part of. The “oh you can’t know ANYTHING about this over here because THIS is Naija”. Yeah, that attitude. I have more stories along these lines, but in the interest of not writing an epic novel (just a short book apparently LOL), I won’t share them all. But you get the idea. I’m all for cultural pride. I get that. I love seeing it. I think blacks are some of the most diverse and interesting people on this planet. But when that pride turns to elitism, that’s when I have a problem.

I think we have enough “outside forces” that try to divide and conquer black people and that try to make us feel inferior that it’s sad to me that we do it to ourselves as well. That internal rejection tends to hurt more than the rejection you receive when you expect it from “others”.

I used to feel bad when I would hear the “you’re JUST black”comments. Like I was lacking something that made me inadequate. Now that I’m older, I don’t feel bad…I’m extremely proud to be JUST black or African-American. Black people in the United States have had to endure incredible pain and suffering and have had to overcome numerous struggles to be able to live equally and fairly. We STILL struggle for that. But we have a fighting spirit that can’t be matched. We’re survivors. And not for nothing, I think that strength was born and fed in Africa and has been passed down from generation to generation and still exists to this day in this country and around the world. We are resilient.

I have always been interested in learning about various cultures, especially various African/Afro-Caribbean cultures. It’s fascinating to me. Not because I’m searching for something that I lack, but because I tend to discover an aspect of these cultures that has translated into African-American culture in some way. I think that’s pretty special and I would encourage other African people to do the same. Especially those that are hung-up on the idea that being ‘just black’ isn’t good enough. They may discover that what connects us if far greater than what separates us. They may also discover that when they look at us, they’ll see themselves more often than not.

Ethiopian, Nigerian, Ugandan, Eritrean, Belizean, Trinidadian, Jamaican, Bahamian….yeah, I think African-Americans are all of those mixed up and rolled into one. I think that’s pretty dope and I’m extremely proud to be JUST black.

Capital Punishment

2009-11-11T11:43:00.005-06:00

***Before you read any further please know that I'm writing this blog based on my own opinions and views. If you disagree or have different opinions take it up in the comment section. Opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one.***

After the execution of John Allen Muhammad I have many thoughts about the views of others. Do I think that Muhammad was a monster? Of course. Do I believe that he got what he deserved? Of course not. I'm absolutely do not believe in capital punishment. The past 24 hours or so I have been having conversations about whether capital punishment is wrong. I've been getting mixed reviews.

I feel like it is no man's place on Earth to judge whether another man lives or dies. That is for God to decide.

So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her (John 8:7).

This is not to say that adultery is the same as murder but is all sin not equal? In the Old Testament the Bible describes various sins that are punishable by death. These include kidnapping (Exodus 21:16), bestiality (Exodus 22:19), adultery (Leviticus 20:10), homosexuality (Leviticus 20:13). Based on this a lot more people in this world deserve to die then.

Another issue I have with people who are for capital punishment is if you were given the choice to pull the lever, inject the needle, let the gas in the chamber, etc. could you? If you couldn't because your conscious or religious beliefs couldn't/wouldn't let you physically take another life then I don't think you are really for the death penalty. In a way it is being cowardice because you want an individual to die but you just don't have the balls to do it yourself.

What about those people that have been wrongly accused of crimes and were sentenced to death? Yeah I know they all say they didn't do it but what about those cases when they actually didn't? It happens a lot more than you think, click this here to see some statistics. Here are two examples:

Earl Washington, a Virginia man with limited mental capacity, was sentenced to death after he allegedly confessed to committing a 1982 murder he didn't commit. He served a decade on death row, once coming within nine days of execution before receiving a stay. He would serve a total of 17 years behind bars before DNA testing obtained by the Innocence Project cleared him in 2000.

Frank Lee Smith died of cancer on Florida’s death row after serving 14 years for a murder and rape he didn't commit. He was cleared by DNA testing obtained by the Innocence Project 11 months after his death.

Where is the justice for these men? What if they were actually executed then who should answer to God for that? I wonder how many people in this country have actually been executed for a crime that they didn't commit.

Yesterday on twitter I saw a barrage of tweets that really had me questioning people's moral integrity. People actually went in on a girl who asked for other to pray for Muhammad. How can you actually get mad at someone who asks to for prayers for another individual? I don't care how much evil that many has done. Once he passes over into the next life he has to answer to whatever higher being he worships.

Do you believe in Capital Punishment? Are you glad that John Allen Muhammad was executed? Am I being overly sensitive? Do you care either way?

The Masks We Wear

2009-11-02T12:00:00.004-06:00

**In honor of Halloween, the one holiday where everyone tries to be something that they aren't, I decided to write this post.**

We all have a variety of masks that each of us wears daily. These may be the identities that have been given to us, or ones that we have assumed over time.

As long as we recognize that we are wearing a mask we should be in good shape. But when the mask becomes a seeming reality for us, then that's when trouble begins. We confuse the mask with the person, and if we are to consummate enough, so do those around us. Gradually the mask becomes a trap, and we become the mask.

I see so many people who wear masks in their every day lives. They attempt to be something or someone that they are not, failing to realize that sometimes who they are under the mask is better than any mask that they can attempt to wear. It's easy to believe that we we really are is simply not good enough.

On the flip side not every use of a mask is negative, however. Masks can help us build our own defenses for the time we need them. They can give us power, or at least the illusion of fortitude, in a time when we may feel powerless. As long as the masks remain flexible and breakable, we can alter them at will, still realizing that we are not what we wear on our face as the mask we present to others.

Hater

2009-10-26T13:43:00.007-05:00

I was listening to my iPod last night and this song came on my shuffle. I thought to myself that the premise of this song is really some hater sh*t (worse than the premise of 'I Luv Your Girl'). The title goes perfectly with the song.

We've all been there before whether you want to admit it or not. You meet her/him and there's an instant attraction to the point where you want to get to know this person better. That is until they drop the bomb on you and they tell you that they are involved. At this point I most people would cut their losses and keep it moving. But what if you don't want to give up that easily? I mean they are giving you time and opportunity for a reason right? Why should I (speaking in generalities) care about who she/he has at home? I don't owe them a damn thing.

What if you actually know of their significant other but you're still not cool with them like that? Do you still give them the respect of not trying to scoop their man/woman like a Marion Barber fumble? I've actually come across this situation twice in my adult life. And like the Dream said: "...the cool n***a in me was like don't do it but the other n***a was like man f**k that n***a." In both of these situations I took the other n***a approach. This line of thought got me what I wanted only half the time and even in that situation it was years later after they broke up. The other situation I feel could have been something great were it not for the wrong time/place.

I had to ask myself in the end was it worth it to hate on the next man because he had what I wanted. Have you ever hated on the next person? Do you believe in karma and someone might try to jedi mind trick your significant other into believing the grass is indeed greener on the other side?